Tag Archives: war and peace

SOZ SATIRE’S HEAVILY EDITED CLASSICS IN COCKNEY.

pride with caps

1 – War And Peace by Leo Tolstoy.

“Blimey that Napoleon’s a bit of a mouthy bleeder Ivan. I see trouble ahead my son”

BOOM!.. BOOM!… BLAM!… BOOM!… KAPOOOW!… GNNNNNNNN!

“Christ thank Gawd that’s over Katerina. Peace at last sweedart!… Gissa kiss Treacle”

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2 – Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

“It’s a little geezer Mr Bumble. The muvver died in childbirth the poor little mare”

“Bow to the board you little toerag!”

“You gotta pick a pocket or two Oliver my dear”

“I’m your long lost grandad. Here’s a load of lovely lolly squire. Now come and live in my big old drum in London”

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3 – Moby Dick by Herman Melville

“I’m gonna nail that big fat white bleeder if it’s the last fing I do, so ‘elp me!”

AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WOT A BLEEDIN’ SICKENER! glub glub glub…UNH!

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4 – Crime And Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

“Blimey I’m skint again. I think I’ll go and turn over that curmudgeonly old money lender woman and her half-daft daughter. I  just ‘ope I don’t murder ’em by accident like”

“Bollocks!”

“I love yer princess, and I’ll marry yer as soon as I get aht of the shovel and pick”

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5 – Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austen

“I ‘ate that Mr Darcy big time. ‘e’s such a flash monkey, with his big old gaff in the country and his diabolical, condescending attitude”

SPLASH!… *swim, swim, puff, pant, wheeze*

“Oh I dunno though. ‘e’s not as bad as I thought to be fair. ‘op on Mr D!

The End innit

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