Tag Archives: Soz Satire Magazine

American Woman Still Being Ignored Despite 10,000th Retweet Of Own Work

woman at computer

Mrs Backboard pictured continuing to flog a dead horse last night

A 57-year-old woman from Austin, Texas, has still not had any reaction to a piece of humorous writing she posted on her blog 9 years ago, despite having doggedly retweeted the piece in her Twitter account on numerous occasions ever since.

Mrs Patsy Backboard, a housewife and mother of two, yesterday chalked up her 10,000th retweet but has still to receive a single response of any kind from any of the 57,273 people she is currently following.

Mrs Backboard remains undaunted however and told local reporters last night:

“I’m absolutely convinced that one day my story will be given the attention I think it deserves. It’s about old people behaving badly in a retirement home and it’s easily the best thing I’ve ever written. I know it’s good because a few weeks after I posted it on my blog somebody clicked on the like button. Admittedly, I received a lot of negative, and in some cases, quite abusive feedback, but you always get these troll types on the internet don’t you? A lot of it’s down to jealousy in my opinion”.

Mrs Backboard’s sole follower on Twitter is her daughter, Ellie, 30, who told reporters:

“The entire family realises that mom’s story is absolute shit, but nobody’s got the heart to tell her. That ‘like’ she got was from my 3-year-old daughter, who accidentally pressed the button when she was sitting on my lap one evening. I just hope she gets fed up with the lack of reaction and gives up to be honest”.

A spokesperson for Twitter said last night:

“It’s not unusual to get this type of narcissistic behaviour on social media. These people suffer from a condition called the Dunning-Kruger Syndrome which results in them becoming convinced of their own brilliance, despite everybody around them telling them that they’re absolutely fucking dire and that they wish they’d just piss off out of it”

The Austin Bugle.

Disclaimer: All persons in the above skit are completely fictitious and bear no resemblance to any persons alive or dead…in all probability.

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Dear Soz

josef

Dear Soz Satire

I have managed to fool my next door neighbours into thinking I’m a South American Manatee by piling on an excessive amount of weight, painting myself grey, and laying just beneath the surface of their fishpond with a benign, moronic expression on my face. For added authenticity, I have administered a number of deep cuts to my body to simulate the mutilations caused by the propellers of speed boats. I’ve even learned a smattering of Spanish in case they pull me out and start asking questions. The gullible fools don’t suspect a thing.

Toby Attenborough

The Galapagos Islands

For more banal gags and the heartless lampooning of perfectly innocent marine mammals, for God’s sake don’t visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

No good will come of it, trust me.

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US Cops Will Now Have To Hide Their Eyes And Count To 10 Before Gunning Down Blacks

cop

Not so fast officer!

For this uplifting tale and more examples of biting satirical social commentary that means I will probably never be able to holiday in Mississippi, why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!gun-play/csyl

Disclaimer: No uppity nigras were beaten with truncheons or savaged by Alsatians during the writing of this skit…although I wouldn’t quite rule it out completely.

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“We’ll Stage World Cup On Olly Murs’s Big Face”: Sports Minister.

olly

“I gotta big face!”

For this and other tales of pop singer largesse, why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!world-cup-olly/c1k5a

Could be a worthwhile plan on the face of it.

Parental Advisory Note: This skit contains abject grammar, hurtful gags about somebody’s personal appearance and an enormous spam forehead.

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Dear Soz

josef

Dear Soz Satire

As a classical violinist I have discovered that I can increase the effectiveness of my efforts when elbowing my way past other commuters on the crowded London underground by playing an Irish reel or The Flight Of The Bumblebee as I make a bid to get on a train.

Yehudi Fuck

Borneo

************************

Dear Soz Satire

Unlike Mr Fuck, I’m not a classical musician but I am a hard-pressed, female executive of a major company for whom there never seems to be enough hours in the day to meet my deadlines. I have managed to save some time getting changed in the mornings however, by wearing five pairs of knickers, one for each working day, on top of one another.. Then every morning I simply remove the top pair and hey presto, a freshly laundered pair to go to work in. I place a Trebor Extra Strong Mint inside the last pair to reduce the smell of dried cod.

Marjorie Clout

Zanzibar

For even more inappropriate lifestyle tips and the odd, grammatically inept, satirical skit, why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

We’re working on a new front page that will rip the living piss out of WordPress btw. So that will be nice won’t it? 🙂

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Farage Urges Blatter To “give it a day or two”

farage potty mouth

First up, allow me to apologise for my absence this last week or so, only I wanted to spend more time avoiding my family. What do you mean you didn’t even notice?! You’ll be telling me next you won’t be attending my funeral! Some family you guys turned out to be. Why I outta! 😦

Anyways, check out this latest piece of cutting edge satire from the magazine that absolutely nobody’s talking about. It’s not as horrendously poor as the talking buoy skit but it runs it pretty damn close I don’t mind telling you!

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!hang-in-there-sepp/cyik

I know my American cousins often get hammered for acting as if they’re ‘the world police’, but in this instance I reckon they’ve done a pretty fine job, don’t you? 🙂

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Dear Soz

josef

Dear Soz Satire.

Explorers. Recreate the shrill, deafening cries of the Amazonian Howler Monkeys that you encountered on your last expedition by walking into a feminist’s workshop with a copy of Big ‘n’ Bouncy tucked under your arm. To increase the volume, slap one of them across the arse and ask her to stick the kettle on.

Teddy Livingstone

Zimbabwe

For more outrageous misogyny and gags of an extremely questionable nature, why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

The current Archbishop Of York does and according to what he told me on the phone last night: “Absolutely fucking loves it mate”

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Good Ole Buoy: Redneck Shipping Lane Marker

buoy

“Ah’m a tossin’ and a pitchin’ but ah keeps on bitchin'”

This is quite possibly the worst, most banal and ill-conceived piece of utter dross I have ever written and is therefore worth a visit for that depressing fact alone folks.

The new front page, however, is a minor tour de force and I’d like to thank The Artful Dodger for putting in the tireless hours bringing it to fruition. Unfortunately, this isn’t possible at the moment as he’s fast asleep with Mr Grumbles, his teddy, and the entire cast of Les Miserables.

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!good-ole-buoy/c11yi

Please don’t blame me for the abysmal quality of the above. I only wrote it ok?

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Self-Concious Protester Moves Placard Up And Down In Time With Chanting

man in gas mask

It’s a quirky little skit this one folks and was inspired (if that’s the right word for tripe of this magnitude) by a news item on BBC London Tonight last week. If you agree with me that it’s sub-standard and puerile, don’t hesitate to use the comments option both here and in the mag itself ok? Great!

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!demonstration-humiliation/css7

x

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Soz Satire’s TV Choice:

television

Sky Action Movies 13.45: The Fast And The Furious.

Harrowing and moving true-life account of a man who is constantly smashed over the head with a frying pan by his girlfriend due to his premature ejaculation issues.

Warning: May contain a number of feeble excuses, tablets bought over the internet and unmanly weeping.

For even more heartless, condemnatory mocking of people with ruined relationships and head trauma, why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

It’ll put some much-needed lead in your pencil chaps…I expect.

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