Tag Archives: social networking

Soz Satire’s Heavily Edited Classics For Facebookers #243: Wuthering Heights

  

“I wuff oo Heethcliff, will u be my ickle Facebook frend?”

“Yesssssssssss. I wuff oo too Caffy! I wuff oo and I want lotzzz and lotzzz of snuggles”

“LOOOOOOOL ur so norty Heethcliff. Wood yew lyke to see my bootyful ickle kitten. I can send u a pichure ov him on my fone babezzz?”

“Yesssssssss! Send me one ov ur ickle kitty and annuver one ov ur titzzzzz”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO! LOL LOL LOL! OK then but only if u shew me one ov ur nob ROTFLMAO!”

“I can’t babezzzzzz. I’m going to foreign parts to seek my forchooon”

“OK hun. Laterzzzzzz. Wudge oo babezzzzzz (((((((HUGZZZZZZZ)))))))

“Wudge oo too babezzzz. Don’t marry sumbody else wile I’m gone ok, cos I’ll be dead jel, and don’t go out in the rain and get a chill in ur ickle tummykinzzzzzz neiver”

“I prom babezzzzz XOXOXOXOX”

Some years later.

“Where’s my bootfull ickle Caffy? I’ve got lotzzzz and lotzzzz of muney and want to buy her lotzzz of presentzzzzz…. Dead! Ur joking! Dead???. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

A bleak windswept moor some hours later. Two spectral figures rush into each others arms.

“Caffy Babezzzzz!”

“Heethcliff my bootyful ickle snugglebunny!”

“WUFF OO BABEZZZZZZZZZZ!”

The End.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

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Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire, Spoof

Facebook Frendzzzz

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Hi Guyz! Only me again……..you remember……..Verapopzzz. You must remember me! I’m such a great laugh and have lotzz and lotzz of luvlee FB frendzzzz who think the absolute world of me and wouldn’t dream of mercilessly mugging  me off behind my back. Christ no!

Soon we’re all going to meet up for drinkzzz in a big park in London. Therezz going to be lotzzz and lotzzz of my bestest FB chumz there, and we’re going to give each other some really big (((((((HUGZZZZZZ))))))) and XOXOXOXO kisses because we all wuff each other SOOOOOOOO much, and of course, we all totally give a flying fuck about whether or not half of uz are dead before Christmazzz..

​I wudge having SOOOOOOO many luvlee frendzzz becos they make me so happy, and are always there whenever I lose the plot and show myself up like shit on my statuzzz.

Sumtimezz I might have a little meltdown and rant on about sum peeple needing to take a gud look at themselvezzzz, and generally acting the giddy arseole.  But my wuffly, ickle, FB frendzz never judge me or call me a mad fucker when I’m not looking. Thatzz becos they wudge me werry much.

Yezzzzzz they make me happy, happy, happy! In fact what with all my thousands of virtual frendzzz, none of whom are convicted nonces or paedophiles, oh dear me no, and my totally exciting social life with them all,  I’m, quite literally never home these days and it’s such a fabby larf, I must be the happiezzt person in the whole wide world!

​HAPPY…….HAPPY……HAPPY……HAPPY!

I’m going to kill myself later on.

1 Comment

Filed under Comedy, Humor, Humour, Satire, Spoof