Tag Archives: Scottish independence

The Queen Pushed My Face Into Cream Flan Claims Scottish Flunky

the queen

Her Majesty pictured in reflective mood last night after being told of the resignation of Alex Salmond.


A Scottish member of the royal household last night claimed that Her Majesty The Queen had roughly pushed his face into a creamy dessert at a boozy, post Scotland Decides dinner at Windsor Castle.

Hamish McClaren, 57, an under-butler for the royal family for 23 years, told reporters:

“I had just finished overseeing the serving of dessert to Her Majesty and other members of the royal family when The Queen beckoned me over. As I lowered my head to hear what she wanted, she clamped her hand on the back of my head and pushed my face into a cream-filled flan case. She then started laughing and pointing at me before shouting “How do you like them onions you rebellious Scotch fuck!”

At this point Prince Harry came over and gently ushered me from the room. He explained that Her Majesty had been drinking heavily all afternoon, celebrating the rejection of Scottish Independence, and that he’d make sure there was a small bonus in my monthly pay cheque to make up for it”

This latest incident comes just a few days after a Captain in The Scots Guards had complained that The Duke Of Edinburgh gave him a dead-leg while he was doing sentry duty on Horseguards Parade.


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Scottish Independence: News Update.

drunken scot

“Och I cannae decide! Ah’ll just have another wee dram tae clear me heed”


“I’ve a strong feeling that a number of yes-voters will be suffering from an enormous hangover at some point in the future should Scotland become an independent nation” – The Economist.

Fortunately I can think of no other nation better equipped or more accustomed to dealing with that particular affliction.

More rabid, anti-Celt rhetoric in just a few moments.

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