“I gotta big face”
British pop icon, Olly Murs, announced last night that he will house 20,000 Syrian refugees on his enormous face over the next 6 months. It is believed that they will be offered temporary accommodation on various parts of Murs’s face, with the majority being housed on his gigantic, spam forehead.
Murs himself was unavailable for comment last night, but his mother, Enid, 97, told reporters: “Olly has always had a strong social conscience, so when he read about the plight of these poor souls he immediately offered to use his absolutely massive dial to give some of them a safe haven until they can find somewhere more permanent. His father and I are so proud of him. We both knew that his gigantic mug would come in handy one day”
This news comes hot on the heels of the announcement by BBC London FM presenter, Vanessa Feltz, that she is having a 10,000-bed temporary hospital for refugees built on one of the cheeks of her enormous arse.
In other news: The leader of the far-right United Kingdom Independence Party, Nigel Farage, has announced that he’ll be staging a 5000 strong “Send Them All Back” rally at the southern port of Dover inside his great big mouth.