Extreme right-wing political activist, Nigel Farage, has announced plans to stage a march on The Houses of Parliament at the end of the month to protest against what he sees as a softening of government resolve to bring about a so-called, ‘Hard Brexit’
In what is being dubbed, The One Million Bigot March, former UKIP leader, Farage is calling on feeble-minded racists throughout the country to voice their protests at the government’s recent procrastination over whether or not to push the country over a cliff into what is widely believed to an economic abyss.
Speaking on his LBC radio phone-in show, Farage was in combative mood: “I’m calling on every fair-minded and patriotic Briton to join me on a march to demonstrate to parliament the will of the people of this great nation.
“This isn’t the time for carefully-considered and pragmatic decision-making. This is the time for us all to charge over the precipice like swivel-eyed lemmings”
Farage then flew to Germany where he was a guest speaker last night at a torchlit rally to celebrate the birthday of The Beast of Belsen
“I gotta big face”
British pop icon, Olly Murs, announced last night that he will house 20,000 Syrian refugees on his enormous face over the next 6 months. It is believed that they will be offered temporary accommodation on various parts of Murs’s face, with the majority being housed on his gigantic, spam forehead.
Murs himself was unavailable for comment last night, but his mother, Enid, 97, told reporters: “Olly has always had a strong social conscience, so when he read about the plight of these poor souls he immediately offered to use his absolutely massive dial to give some of them a safe haven until they can find somewhere more permanent. His father and I are so proud of him. We both knew that his gigantic mug would come in handy one day”
This news comes hot on the heels of the announcement by BBC London FM presenter, Vanessa Feltz, that she is having a 10,000-bed temporary hospital for refugees built on one of the cheeks of her enormous arse.
In other news: The leader of the far-right United Kingdom Independence Party, Nigel Farage, has announced that he’ll be staging a 5000 strong “Send Them All Back” rally at the southern port of Dover inside his great big mouth.
“Ve haf vays of keeping you still!” UKIP leader Nigel Farage in determined mood last night
A leaked document from the United Kingdom Independence Party Central Office has uncovered plans to force the unemployed and those claiming sickness benefit, to remain absolutely motionless at all times, unless they are going to visit the lavatory or attending a job interview.
A section in their 2015 election manifesto entitled “Dealing With The Feckless” states:
“Why should these people be permitted to move around freely on taxpayer’s money? Mobility should be a privilege and not a right. Only hard-working, British citizens should be given this freedom in our view. It’s just good, plain, common sense at the end of the day”
This latest revelation comes just days after the right-wing party’s call for benefits claimants to be prevented from owning a car, and after a prospective UKIP local councillor called for asylum-seekers to be nailed to the walls of detention centres to prevent them going into nearby shops for grocery items and upsetting the locals.
For more leftist railing against the dark forces of the British far right, why not visit?:
UKIP executive members pictured leaving party HQ last night.
In a surprise move last night, Nigel Farage, leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP), announced that anyone “with an Ayrian look about them” will be barred from joining the party executive and also from appearing in party political broadcasts in the run up to elections.
Speaking to reporters from outside his newly-rented, one-bedroom flat in Brixton, South London, Mr Farage said.
“We are quite frankly sick to death of being accused of being closet racists with a chip on our shoulders when it comes to the blacks, Jews, Eastern Europeans and immigrants in general. I have therefore made a recommendation to senior colleagues that we exclude anyone with an Ayrian look about them from serving the party in an executive or public relations-connected role.
“Furthermore any person or persons with a background connected to white supremacy or neo-Nazism will have all the windows in their home or shop premises smashed by a baying mob of ethnically diverse, party rank and file during the night.
“I’m absolutely determined to stamp out this totally spurious image of UKIP as the party of The Little Englander and the swivel-eyed racist and if that means recruiting a few sooties from Bongo Bongo Land to achieve that then so be it”
Mr Farage then went back inside explaining that he’d left a “whole heap of rice and peas” boiling on the stove in a Dutch Pot.
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