Tag Archives: Jeremy Corbyn

Lord Janner’s Links to Paedophilia and Vaz Gay Sex Romps ‘private matters’ Says Corbyn.

 

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Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, last night described the allegations of historical sex attacks on children by Lord Greville Janner and the cavorting with rent boys by Labour colleague, Keith Vaz, as ‘ private matters of little consequence’

Janner died last year after a huge controversy over whether he should face trial for an astonishing 22 counts of sex offences against young boys carried out over decades.

The adulterous, three times married opposition leader was speaking to journalists about the scandal surrounding fellow Labour Party stalwart, Keith Vaz, who was exposed by a tabloid newspaper at the weekend following drink and drug-fuelled antics with male prostitutes.

“In my view, allegations such as these and those against Lord Janner, a well-respected and recently deceased colleague, are private matters of little consequence and little more than Zionist, Tory media-fuelled attacks against my leadership,” Corbyn said.

“I suggest we move on from this sort of scurrilous muck-raking and address more serious issues such as the recent move to the right in Cuba and overcrowding on trains. I had to sit on the floor in one the other day you know?”

Corbyn is due to address a rally of his supporters in Hull tonight where he is expected to pledge his support for working class serial rapists in Venezuela

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Corbyn’s Wife Hospitalised Following Shame-Related Collapse

Britain

 

The wife of beleaguered Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, was admitted to a private clinic in North London last night after collapsing at their home, in what a close friend has described as a state of acute shame, brought about by Corbyn’s recent laughable flirtations with the truth

The female friend, and a close neighbour of the Corbyns in upmarket Islington, told us that Corbyn’s third wife, Laura Alvarez, who is 20 years younger than the 67-year-old opposition leader, rang her earlier in the evening sounding extremely distressed.

“She was sobbing down the phone,” she said. “She told me she was sick of his constant lying and was thinking of going back to Mexico. I went round to see her and found her lying on the floor. Jeremy wasn’t in the room but I eventually found him in the kitchen, stirring a large saucepan of gruel.

“I told him Laura was sick, but he dismissed it as nothing serious and said she was just tired after having to sit on the floor during a long journey one of Sir Richard Branson’s trains. He looked wild-eyed and kept threatening to kill Bernie Sanders. I then locked myself in the room with Laura and called a private ambulance.”

Corbyn, who has come under fire this week after being caught out telling a series of blatant  lies, spoke briefly to reporters outside his £800k property late last night: “My wife has been taken to a grimy, inner-city, National Health hospital in a particularly run-down area of London where the hardworking NHS staff will give her the best of care despite being on what is tantamount to slave wages”

When questioned as to whether his wife was, in fact, in a private establishment, Corbyn became testy and snapped, “What, on my £138k annual salary plus expenses? Don’t be ridiculous”

A spokesperson for the hospital told us last night that Mrs Corbyn wasn’t exactly filthy rich but that she was extremely comfortable thank you very much.

 

 

 

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‘Empty’ Train Carriage Was Ram-Packed With Midgets and Germans With Diarrhoea Claim Corbyn’s Press Office

 

corbyn straight talking

 
The press office for beleaguered Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, have issued a statement, claiming that the empty train carriage that Corbyn is shown passing through on CCTV before claiming that the entire train was ‘ram-packed’ was, in fact, full of midgets whose heads couldn’t be seen above the headrests, and a party of over 40 Germans who had left their luggage on their seats while they were all in the toilet suffering from gastroenteritis.

The statement said: “Jeremy, his wife and his publicists did, in fact, pass through that particular carriage, but it was full of midgets and German luggage, left there while the owners were having a clearout. I suppose it’s a bit like when they put towels on sunloungers to reserve them. So, basically, that’s why Jeremy had to sit on the floor to do his piece to camera. Yes, that’ll be it.”

Virgin Trains, however, strongly denied the claim. “The midgets were all in a first class carriage at the front of the train, and the Germans were in the caboose at the rear where their constant farting wouldn’t upset their fellow travellers”

Corbyn himself was unavailable for comment due to his earlier arrest for attacking his lesbian spin doctor with a screwdriver.

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Southern Rail to Nationalise Jeremy Corbyn

corbyn im going nowhere

Oh yes you are sunshine

The under-fire Southern Rail train franchise have announced plans to nationalise beleaguered Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn after a damning report declared him “unfit for purpose”

A spokesman for the company, who have been heavily criticised in recent months for poor service and frequent delays, last night told reporters:

“It’s totally unacceptable to expect Labour voters to put up with the type of shambolic service that Corbyn is offering at the moment. His own party members are in revolt, and the only people who seem to like him are tank-top-wearing, swivel-eyed art students, and women with hairy armpits.

“We, therefore, intend to nationalise him as soon as we have drawn up the legislation, and, hopefully, a more efficient and popular Corbyn will be the result. Because let’s be honest, we couldn’t turn him into a bigger wassock than he already is could we?”

.This groundbreaking move draws a direct parallel with the events of 1968 when British Rail turned the Conservative Minister for Transport, Reginald Maudling, into a one-way system on the outskirts of Birmingham.

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Corbyn Beat Me For Not Calling Him “Prime Minister” Claims House of Commons Cleaner

 

corbyn im going nowhere

Corbyn in defiant mood after nailing his feet to the floor outside 10 Downing Street

 

A 22-year-old woman, employed as a cleaner in The Houses of Parliament, has made the shocking claim that the beleaguered leader of The Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn, beat her with a wooden stick when she refused his demands to call him prime minister while the pair were alone in The House of Commons debating chamber last night.

Tracy Dell, from Whitechapel in East London, said: “I was sweeping between the benches on the government side when I saw My Corbyn sitting alone in Mr. Camerons seat. He looked unkempt and he kept standing up and leaning on the despatch box. He was muttering to himself, and at one point he kissed The Mace and called it “his precious”

When I asked him if he’d mind putting his feet up on the division bench so that I could sweep, his face went all red and he started calling me “the honourable member for Spitalfields”

“Then he asked me to call him prime minister while I sat in the Speaker’s chair. I was really scared, but I refused and tried to run away but he grabbed me and started beating me with a stick. He kept saying “I’m going nowhere and neither are you” He was sweating a lot and I think he was aroused sexually.

“Luckily, Boris Johnson came in to look for his pen that he’d left behind earlier and he told Mr Corbyn to let me go. He then punched Mr Corbyn in the face, and told him to get back over his own side.

“He was so kind and even took me back to my house on the back of his bike. I’ll never vote Labour again after this I don’t mind telling you.”

Corbyn was unavailable for comment last night after having locked himself in a ladies toilet in The House of Lords; claiming that he has an overwhelming mandate to stay there forever.

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Jeremy Corbyn Posed With My Salt Beef Sandwich Claims Jewish Bricklayer

corbyn straight talking

 

A bricklayer from Golders Green in North London, last night told reporters that beleaguered Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, snatched his salt beef sandwich from his hand while the workman was having his lunch yesterday, and then later posed with it in his hand for press photographers outside his home in Islington.

Mark Epstein, 57, said: “I was about to tuck in, when Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, snatched my sandwich. All he said was: “I’ll take that if you don’t mind Izzy” and strode off down the road. “I don’t know how he knew I was Jewish as I don’t really look it, apart from having a bit of a big nose”

Critics of Corbyn’s alleged anti-semitic views are dismissing the public eating of a traditional Jewish snack as a publicity stunt, something strongly denied by Corbyn himself last night: “If I wanted to prove I had nothing against the black and white shoes, I’d go into the diamond business, or step in when a Jewish colleague is being harangued by a militant left-wing extremist. You know, things like that”

Source: Ken Livingstone’s Popular Gas Chamber Monthly

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Corbyn Tight-Lipped Following Car Park Beating From David Cameron

corbyn with missile

 

Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, came in for fresh criticism from his own party members last night for failing to make political capital from a severe beating he had received earlier from Prime Minister, David Cameron, who, according to an eye-witness, had attacked the pacifist opposition leader with a baseball bat in the underground car park at The House of Commons just hours before an emergency debate on terrorism yesterday afternoon.

According to the eye-witness, Cameron leapt from behind a parked car and began beating Corbyn around the head and body with the weapon until he fell to the ground. Shadow Chancellor and long-time friend of Corbyn, John McDonell, who was present during the attack, tried to intervene and grappled with Cameron, before being told by Corbyn to ” just leave it” and that “he’s not worth it”

Corbyn later appeared in The Commons looking dishevelled and unsteady before putting forward a proposal that all convicted terrorists in Britain’s jails should be given a “really itchy” blanket once a week and not allowed to watch Coronation Street every other Wednesday

 

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