Tag Archives: ISIL

Toilet Paper Warehouse Destroyed as US Air Force Launch Strike Against IZAL


A roll of toilet paper pictured shortly before being destroyed by American fighter bombers.

An East London warehouse containing thousands of rolls of Izal medicated toilet tissue was in ruins this morning after United States fighter bombers launched a series of strikes against the building in what is widely believed to be a communications mix up over acronyms.

A senior Pentagon official told a White House press conference earlier today

“At around o2.00 Greenwich Mean Time the United States Air Force targeted and destroyed a building in London, England, containing what we now know to be a large stock of British toilet tissue manufactured by Jeyes Ltd and marketed under the brand name of IZAL. It is with regret that I have to tell you that this was a military error on our part and that our intended target was a stronghold of the Islamic terror group, ISIL on the Iran/Syria border. At this time we have no casualty figures to hand so we can only hope that fatalities were reasonably low. The President has spoken to the British prime minister, Mr Cameron, to express his regret and deepest sympathy at this unfortunate time”

The Home Office have already issued a press release which stated:

“While we regret this unfortunate mix up, we fully understand the reasons behind it, after all, ISIL and IZAL are pretty similar. On a more optimistic note at least there will be a temporary shortage of that particular brand of toilet tissue, which in our experience tends to spread it rather than wipe it”

Press Association


Filed under Satire