Tag Archives: Indiana Jones

HARRISON FORD DYING FROM DUTCH ELM DISEASE

 

harrison

On his way out. Ford pictured clinging on by a thread last night

 

It was announced last night that, Hollywood legend, Harrison Ford, has Dutch Elm Disease and is not expected to last much beyond the new year.

Ford, 109, is famed for his wooden performances in over a thousand blockbuster movies, including the latest Star Wars epic, for which he received a sum equal to the national debt of Argentina.

A spokesperson for Pinewood Studios – named to commemorate Ford’s utterly inept performance in a film about the president of America on an aeroplane – said last night: “It is with great sadness that we announce the imminent death of our friend and benefactor, Harrison Ford. He is truly one of the good guys and a talented actor who could run the entire gamut of emotions from A to B. He will be greatly missed by his friends and bank manager alike”

Following his passing, Ford will be buried at sea with a 1-ton weight chained to his ankle to ensure that he doesn’t become a piece of driftwood and is washed up on a desert island a year or two later.

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Harrison Ford Survives Plane Crash

indiana

Doh!

 

BREAKING NEWS: Harrison Ford Survives Plane Crash.
Unfortunately, his hospital bed tipped up and dropped him into a dark, snake-filled vault where he was crushed to death by a huge, rolling ball with spikes sticking out of it.
Reuters

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