Tag Archives: Hamas

Palestinian who leaned against his fence killed by Israeli sniper.

 

Military Ceremony in Gaza

A group of Palestinians on their way to lean on fences last night. Picture courtesy of The Netanyahu Bugle

 

A 40-year-old Palestinian man was shot dead by an Israeli sniper yesterday afternoon as he leaned against his fence while tuning in his radio to a soccer match commentary.

Ahed Bassem, who lived and worked in Glasgow for 12 years, was reportedly tuning in to live commentary on the match between his adopted club, Partick Thistle, and fellow strugglers, Dundee United, when he was struck by 3 bullets fired by an Israeli Defence Force sniper about 1000 metres away on the eastern border of The Gaza Strip.

An IDF spokesman told newsmen last night: “This was clearly an act of provocation on the part of this individual.

“He was almost certainly leaning against his fence in order to break it down before making a dash for the perimeter fence, putting Israeli forces and civilians at great risk

“I defy any country to say that they would not have done the same thing given the circumstances.

“The soldier who fired the shots had no choice. Israel must defend its borders and territory at all costs.

“In any case, Thistle lost again so we were probably doing him a favour”

This latest incident comes just 7 days after an Israeli helicopter gunship strafed a Palestinian market, killing 17 and injuring 200, amid Israeli government claims that a Hamas fighter had been spotted at a stall buying a can of tinned peaches in syrup which he could have later used as a projectile against Israeli children in a school 125 miles away.

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Israeli Jets Target Kindergarten In Pre-Emptive, Ceasefire Breech Strike

air strike

School’s out kids!

Israeli fighter bombers have this morning destroyed a Kindergarten in Gaza, in what they claim was a pre-emptive attack in case Hamas broke the 72 hour ceasefire which was agreed upon last night.

With the Egyptian led accord only a minute old, a number of Israeli  F-16 Fighting Falcons attacked the building as children were arriving for morning lessons. Casualties at this time remain unconfirmed but it is believed that more than fifty pre-school youngsters regularly attend at this particular time of day.

A spokesman for the Israeli Defence Force told reporters “It’s pretty unfortunate that kids were caught up in our strike on a school building but that’s just life I guess. Our main objective was to lay down a clear warning to Hamas that Israel will not tolerate a breach of the ceasefire under any circumstances and I guess you could say we did just that. After all it wouldn’t be the first time those treacherous sonsofbitches have screwed us over would it?”

Press Association

 

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East London Kebab Shop Destroyed In Israeli Air Strike On Hummus

A dish of hummus shelters behind some peppers as Israeli jets scream overhead.

There were fresh calls for an immediate ceasefire in the war torn Middle East last night after an Israeli F16 jet fighter targeted and destroyed a kebab shop in Upton Park East London leaving the proprietor and 12 customers dead.

It is believed the tragic mix up occurred when the pilot was told to “Get me some hummus” by his flight commander, who merely wanted him to bring him over a snack from the canteen after he’d completed his sortie over Palestine.

A witness to the carnage was Tony Summers, the owner of a greengrocers just across the road from the stricken fast food shop.

“It was absolutely diabolical to be honest” said Mr Summers, 57 “I was just arranging a few oranges in the display outside the shop when this fighter jet came screaming in and launched a missile which absolutely flattened the kebab place. The poor bastards inside never stood a chance. It’s an absolute tragedy for the whole community and a downright diabolical liberty”

” Tariq, the geezer who owned it, was an absolute diamond and did the best donner with chilli sauce and hummus for miles around. Gawd knows what I’m going to do at lunchtimes now. I’ll probably have to get the old woman to make me a packed lunch or something. Absolutely bloody terrible!”

The Israeli air force issued a brief statement last night.

“While we deeply regret this terrible tragedy and send our condolences to the families of all those affected, we’d like to point out that hummus and Hamas sound very similar even though one is a murderous, terrorist organisation and the other is a kind of dip. We’d also like to reiterate that we only target military installations or crowded blocks of flats, which may or may not have the odd Palestinian terrorist living there. Regrettably there will always be a degree of collateral damage, whether it be a school, a mosque or even as we saw on this occasion, the odd snack bar thousands of miles from the theatre of war, so we’re sorry about that”

A memorial service for the dead is to be held on Thursday at the East London Church Of Christ, Spitalfields with a free fish supper thrown in afterwards.

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