Tag Archives: Gary Hoadley

Gary ‘Pramface’ Hoadley: Adult Baby And London Gangland Enforcer

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Smudge by Mina

Dear Gary

I’m an elderly widow, living alone in a small flat in Silvertown, East London. Last week, my landlord told me that he was going to double my rent because property values in this area are at an all-time high and that he wasn’t getting ‘a fair whack’ out of me, to use his own words.

The trouble is Gary, I’m already struggling to survive on my old age pension and regularly have to wrap myself up in blankets to stay warm. As for food, I have to buy the very cheapest cuts and will often make a small joint of gammon or a bit of brisket last me the whole week.

I’m so worried by all this and can’t sleep at nights for fear of being evicted and having to live on the streets. I don’t think I’d be able to manage at my time of life you see.

So I’d be ever so grateful if you could give me some advice dear. I used to know your mum when I was younger you know. She was a lovely girl and we had so many good times together back in the old days.

Thanks ever so much dear.

Violet Cornell

**********************************

Dear Violet.

As a gangland enforcer and adult baby, I hear many sad stories like yours my lovely and always try to help whenever I can. I went round to see your landlord last night, and after I’d nailed him to the cupboard under the stairs and shoved petrol-soaked rags up both nostrils, he saw the injustice of it all and has kindly agreed to not only allow you to live in your flat rent free, but has also assured me that he will be personally delivering a well-stocked food hamper, full of luxury items, to your door every Friday night without fail. I hope this puts your mind at rest sweetheart, and if you’re ever upset or worried about anything in future, you make sure you let me know ok?

By the way, I remember you when I was a little nipper Violet. You used to look after me sometimes while mum went down the shops. I shouldn’t be at all surprised if you didn’t used to change my nappy from time to time. Of course, now that I’m 54 years old I have to pay a prostitute to do it.

All the very best for the future Treacle

Your pal

Gary x

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Noisy Freezer Drove Nottingham Pensioner To Kill, Court Told

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Chambers (second left) pictured with Mr Hoadley (extreme left) and friends in happier times

 

An elderly man was given a life sentence without parole yesterday after a court learned that he had brutally murdered a long-time friend and former army comrade in a frenzied and sustained knife attack after becoming annoyed by the constant buzzing sound emanating from his new freezer.

Gerald “Inchcock” Chambers, 154, from Nottingham, was found guilty by a unanimous verdict, of the murder of Mr Garfield Hoadley, 98, an angling consultant from Fulham, West London, on May 23 2014.

The court heard how Chambers, 213, had become so incensed by the whirring sound made by the compressor on the new appliance, he armed himself with a commando style knife and drove for 12 hours to Mr Hoadley’s home before launching the frenzied attack.

Mr Hoadley, a member of the local rotary club and an accomplished amateur magician, was described by a neighbour in court as a frail and decent man and a wonderful neighbour, who, despite his lack of height and fragile 6 stone frame, “was always prepared to muck in whenever a fight broke out in the church hall”

Chambers, 327, grinned and waved to relatives in the public gallery as he was led away to serve his time.

The manufacturers of the freezer, “Moore & Co” of Nottingham, denied any responsibility for the tragedy, despite this being the second similar incident in the company’s history, following the case of a 23 year old mother of two, who cooked and ate her three-year-old toddler in 2011, after the door on the ice compartment wouldn’t shut properly.

Nottingham Daily Bugle

 

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Hold The Front Bottom! A Short Film by Soz Satire

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Mike and Gaz pictured leaving the Soz building last night

Soz Satire cub reporters and firm friends, Mike Steeden and Gary Hoadley, are summoned to my office for a good dressing down.
Little did I realise that they’d already had one. Click on the link below for the rather upsetting details 😦

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/graphiste-en-b540fff1ce028fc80c7a3a97051120a1.html

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Filed under Comedy, Humor, Humour, Soz Satire