First up, allow me to apologise for my absence this last week or so, only I wanted to spend more time avoiding my family. What do you mean you didn’t even notice?! You’ll be telling me next you won’t be attending my funeral! Some family you guys turned out to be. Why I outta! 😦
Anyways, check out this latest piece of cutting edge satire from the magazine that absolutely nobody’s talking about. It’s not as horrendously poor as the talking buoy skit but it runs it pretty damn close I don’t mind telling you!
I know my American cousins often get hammered for acting as if they’re ‘the world police’, but in this instance I reckon they’ve done a pretty fine job, don’t you? 🙂
In what is being seen by some as a controversial move, the leader of the far-right United Kingdom Independence Party, Nigel Farage, has told a party rally that, if UKIP hold the balance of power following the general election on May 7th, he will push to have both land and sea mines deployed at the southern port of Dover in Kent in a bid to stop any migrant invasion, and a repetition of the chaotic scenes recently witnessed on the Greek and Italian coasts.
Speaking to supporters at a church hall in Tunbridge Wells, Farage said:
“We see this move as an effective and expedient solution to Britain’s immigration crisis. The outlay on explosive ordnance will be relatively low, and certainly a darn sight less than the benefit payments these people will demand as soon as they reach our shores. Most, if not all of them, are given five million pound mansions to live in you know. Well let’s see them try to drain our resources after being blown to bits at sea, or while making their way up the beach to the nearest social security office”
When a reporter pointed out that innocent residents of the town would be put at risk while out walking the dog or taking a stroll along the beach in the evenings, Farage countered:
“Yes I realise that, but UKIP believe that a certain amount of collateral damage is acceptable as long as our shores are protected and the guilty are punished. Anyway, you seem to forget that some of these so-called ‘innocents’ could be black”
The reporter was then escorted from the building by burly security men and beaten up in an alleyway.