Tag Archives: Danny Soz

FBI crack Vegas shooting riddle thanks to Youtube. Prince Philip held!

tinfoil twat

Tinfoil twat: A typical Youtube conspiracy genius pictured last night

 
The Federal Bureau of Investigation last night announced that they have arrested and charged, The Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, with the mass shootings in Las Vegas on October 1, after an agent spotted a link posted by a member of the public on Youtube which pointed the finger at the 90-year-old husband of Her Majesty The Queen.
 
An FBI spokesman said last night: “If only we’d looked on Youtube earlier. I just wish it had been around at the time of The Boston Strangler, we’d have saved an awful lot of time and effort and no mistake.
 
Scotland Yard are now also believed to be looking at Youtube footage and have already established that Bruce Forsythe was Jack The Ripper and that Margaret Thatcher’s nan was the fearsome, Beast of Belsen.
 
If you’re a slow-witted, overly-excitable dullard with a crackpot theory on the solution to any really tricky unsolved crimes during the last century or so, post your thoughts on Youtube so that the rest of us can all have a bloody good laugh and a point at your expense.
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Filed under Humour, police, Satire, Spoof

Farage calls for Million Bigot March

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Extreme right-wing political activist, Nigel Farage, has announced plans to stage a march on The Houses of Parliament at the end of the month to protest against what he sees as a softening of government resolve to bring about a so-called, ‘Hard Brexit’

In what is being dubbed, The One Million Bigot March, former UKIP leader, Farage is calling on feeble-minded racists throughout the country to voice their protests at the government’s recent procrastination over whether or not to push the country over a cliff into what is widely believed to an economic abyss.

Speaking on his LBC radio phone-in show, Farage was in combative mood: “I’m calling on every fair-minded and patriotic Briton to join me on a march to demonstrate to parliament the will of the people of this great nation.

“This isn’t the time for carefully-considered and pragmatic decision-making. This is the time for us all to charge over the precipice like swivel-eyed lemmings”

Farage then flew to Germany where he was a guest speaker last night at a torchlit rally to celebrate the birthday of The Beast of Belsen

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The Art of Blogging (Bullshit-Free Edition)

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I wrote this as a counter to one of the most unintentionaly hilarious, misguided, and pretentious pieces of old bollocks it has ever been my misfortune to encounter in the language of Shakespeare.

The Art of Blogging by Danny SoZ

1: Write any old shit

2: Visit other blogs containing shit just as bad, or even worse, than your own literary effluent

3: Lavish the ‘writer’ with praise, so risibly over-the-top, they will begin to think you’re in the throes of orgasm

4: Wait a few hours for reciprocal bullshit

THE END

Danny Soz is the managing editor of The Dunning-Kruger Syndrome Gazette

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McGregor challenges Dalai Lama to megabucks ‘Pray-Off’

dalai lama boxing

“His ass will be mine by the end of Round Nine!” Lama in combative mood last night

Newly-defeated mixed martial arts fighter, Conor McGregor, last night roared out a defiant challenge to Tibetan spiritual leader, The Dalai Lama, calling for the 67-year-old Buddhist monk to meet him in a monastery of his choice for a bumper pay day, no-prayer wheels-barred, ‘pray-off’ for the right to be called the devoutest unarmed man on the planet.

Speaking to the press just hours after he was bludgeoned to defeat in Las Vegas by 40-year-old American ring legend, Floyd Mayweather, McGregor was in no mood to take prisoners:

“If The Dalai Lama thinks he’s such a spiritual hotshot then I’m prepared to give him an education in theological devotion.

“I’ll out-pray this Tibetan bitch in his own backyard if that’s what it takes. I’m going to show the world, that even though Mayweather handed me a can of Whup Ass in the ring, when it comes to offering up devotions to a higher power, I’m the fucking daddy.”

Lama, undefeated after 60 years in the temple, last night responded to McGregor’s challenge in typically outspoken style.

Speaking from his training camp in The Himalayas, where he’s preparing for a multi-million dollar, one-on-one theological debate with The Chief Rabbi, he told reporters: “If the money’s right I’ll be ready for this chump, no question. It’ll be a pleasure to kick his ass in front of his own omnipotent deity”

If the two camps can reach an agreement, this will be the biggest and most eagerly-awaited religious tear-up since Archbishop Robert Runcie stopped The Ayatollah Khomeini after 14 gruelling rounds of spiritual contemplation and chanting in Caesar’s Palace in Tehran in 1982.

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My enamelled tin mug is from outer space, claims London man.

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A 50-year-old, diesel fitter from Whitechapel in East London has made the claim that a tin mug that he bought from a local store last week is from outer space and is made from a substance unknown to man.

Toby Dell, a divorced father of 8, told  journalists: “There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my new mug comes from somewhere in outer space.

“As soon as I got it home and had a drink of tea out it I knew that this was no ordinary mug and that it must have come from another planet or even a different galaxy.

“I took it to the science museum for analysis, but they refused to do it and told me to go away.

“They obviously realised that it was an extra-terrestrial mug and didn’t want the news getting out in case it got people worrying about an alien invasion in the future”

Mr Dell is the 2nd person to have made rather outlandish claims in recent weeks. On 3rd June, a taxi driver from neighbouring Bow told his boss that Brexit had nothing to do with inherent racism amongst the older generation and that Donald Trump was going to make America great again

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HARRISON FORD DYING FROM DUTCH ELM DISEASE

 

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On his way out. Ford pictured clinging on by a thread last night

 

It was announced last night that, Hollywood legend, Harrison Ford, has Dutch Elm Disease and is not expected to last much beyond the new year.

Ford, 109, is famed for his wooden performances in over a thousand blockbuster movies, including the latest Star Wars epic, for which he received a sum equal to the national debt of Argentina.

A spokesperson for Pinewood Studios – named to commemorate Ford’s utterly inept performance in a film about the president of America on an aeroplane – said last night: “It is with great sadness that we announce the imminent death of our friend and benefactor, Harrison Ford. He is truly one of the good guys and a talented actor who could run the entire gamut of emotions from A to B. He will be greatly missed by his friends and bank manager alike”

Following his passing, Ford will be buried at sea with a 1-ton weight chained to his ankle to ensure that he doesn’t become a piece of driftwood and is washed up on a desert island a year or two later.

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My dead babies are with Catweasle now, says Syrian mother of slain family

 

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Catweasle pictured during happier times before he was pronounced dead last night

 

A 27-year-old Syrian woman, whose 5 children were killed during a Russian airstrike on a school close to her home in Damascus in March this year, has told of the comfort she has gained from the knowledge that her beloved young family have now been joined by the actor, Catweasle, who died last night at his home in Margate in Kent aged 104 following a short bout of illness.

Mrs Fatima Al-Nafissi whose children were aged between 4 and 10, wept as she told SoZ Satire: “My life was destroyed when my babies were taken. I lost all hope and was just existing from day to day, waiting for Allah to take me too so that I could be with them again.

“Then, last night on the news, I saw that Catweasle had died and it felt as if a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders.

“The knowledge that he is with my children now, watching over them, and maybe doing some of his magic tricks to make them smile is so comforting to me.

“Now, I feel ready to face life again and it’s all down to Catweasle being dead. I am truly blessed”

Later on today, Mrs Al-Nafissi will join thousands of other bereaved Syrian mothers in a minutes silence as they remember Catweasle and the role he played in all their lives and how his passing will bring them a semblance of comfort at last.

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