Extreme right-wing political activist, Nigel Farage, has announced plans to stage a march on The Houses of Parliament at the end of the month to protest against what he sees as a softening of government resolve to bring about a so-called, ‘Hard Brexit’
In what is being dubbed, The One Million Bigot March, former UKIP leader, Farage is calling on feeble-minded racists throughout the country to voice their protests at the government’s recent procrastination over whether or not to push the country over a cliff into what is widely believed to an economic abyss.
Speaking on his LBC radio phone-in show, Farage was in combative mood: “I’m calling on every fair-minded and patriotic Briton to join me on a march to demonstrate to parliament the will of the people of this great nation.
“This isn’t the time for carefully-considered and pragmatic decision-making. This is the time for us all to charge over the precipice like swivel-eyed lemmings”
Farage then flew to Germany where he was a guest speaker last night at a torchlit rally to celebrate the birthday of The Beast of Belsen
A 50-year-old, diesel fitter from Whitechapel in East London has made the claim that a tin mug that he bought from a local store last week is from outer space and is made from a substance unknown to man.
Toby Dell, a divorced father of 8, told journalists: “There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my new mug comes from somewhere in outer space.
“As soon as I got it home and had a drink of tea out it I knew that this was no ordinary mug and that it must have come from another planet or even a different galaxy.
“I took it to the science museum for analysis, but they refused to do it and told me to go away.
“They obviously realised that it was an extra-terrestrial mug and didn’t want the news getting out in case it got people worrying about an alien invasion in the future”
Mr Dell is the 2nd person to have made rather outlandish claims in recent weeks. On 3rd June, a taxi driver from neighbouring Bow told his boss that Brexit had nothing to do with inherent racism amongst the older generation and that Donald Trump was going to make America great again
Filed under Humour, Satire
“For you, Britishers ze Brexit ist over!”
Britain’s proposed exit from The European Union was in turmoil last night after the EU commission revealed that the key Article 50 document, has been lost or mislaid after the German prime minister, Angela Merkel, had a clean round in the office of EU commissioner, Jean-Claude Juncker last week.
A commission insider told us: “After Theresa May announced yesterday that Britain would invoke article 50 in March, we decided we’d better get it out of the drawer in the commissioner’s office just to make sure it was ready for the big day. However, despite hunting high and low, we couldn’t find it. We found all the other articles and some old legislation relating to straight bananas and a proposal to fine butchers for not using metric scales, but no article 50. Most of us reckon Mrs Merkel must have thrown it out when she was having one her tidying round stints last week.”
Merkel, however, strongly denied the accusation last night: “There’s no way I would have thrown out Article 50. All I did was put some out-of-date EU proposals in a black sack along with some leaky biros and a sheaf of UKIP expenses claims that had been paid donkey’s years ago. That office would be an absolute tip if I didn’t give it a bit of a fettle from time to time and that’s a fact. Anyway, if it has been accidentally thrown out, Britain will just have to stay in the EU after all. It’s their own fault. They should have put it in one of those plastic folders I brought in specially and kept it up on a shelf out of the way”
This latest incident is the biggest major embarrassment for the EU since The Treaty of Lisbon was left on a table in the canteen at their Brussels HQ in 2007 and was later found on the floor with baked bean juice on one of the corners.