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Satirical Magazine Helps Record Number Of Unattractive Women Find Love

ugly

“I couldn’t get a man to save my life until the updated Halloween issue of Soz came out, now I’m up the duff with George Clooney’s kid. Thanks Soz Satire”

 

Following the launch of the updated Halloween issue of Soz Satire magazine yesterday, a record number of extremely ugly females have reported a dramatic rise in the number of attractive men wanting to make love to them.

The phenomenon has been attributed to the extremely poor quality of the jokes in the publication leading to men choosing to do anything other than read it.

Here are a few testimonials from desperate male readers:

“I started to read the updated version of Soz Satire last night but found it so unfunny I immediately went next door and got my leg over a hideous looking old tugboat” – Brad Pitt

“The updated version was so utterly devoid of any good jokes I gave a diabolical old hound a back scuttling in the pub bogs” – Johnny Depp

“The revamped Halloween issue made me want to give a dodgy looking munter a portion rather than read on, but it was so crap I couldn’t get the horn so I hit Justin Bieber with an iron bar instead” – Orlando Bloom.

Here’s a link to the mag in question so you can judge for yourselves my friends:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

WARNING: Don’t blame me if you end up bollocks deep in some four-eyed, 22 stoner with thrush and a lazy eye before you get to the skit about Cheryl Cole in the Personal & Classified Ads section ok?

SOZ Satire - Ocotober 2014

 

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Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

Soz Satire’s TV Choice: Double Feature Spectacular!

television

ITV4. 22.45: The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford.   – Western starring Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck

Film 4. 23.25: The Assassination Of Pop Music By The Moon-Faced Fuck Simon Cowell. –  A wry, uncompromising look at the phenomena that is The X Factor featuring interviews with some of the tone deaf arseoles who have found fame and fortune after appearing on the show.

Warning: This programme may contain bum notes, moronic viewers, overweight Scottish ladies with faces like robber’s dogs and ridiculous, high-waisted trousers.

 

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Filed under Satire, Showbiz