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May 6, 2018 · 06:00

The Art of Blogging #2

 

wordpress val

WordPress Family Val Hughes pictured earlier

1: Keep it short. 1 to 3 words maximum. Any longer and no fucker will read it, trust me

2: Put a picture of a flower at the top

3: Visit shedloads of other blogs, making irritating, over-the-top comments.

4: Wear a silly hat

NEXT WEEK: How hosting a blog based on sceptic tank emptying and/or the Christian faith will make you better in bed.

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Filed under Humour

FBI crack Vegas shooting riddle thanks to Youtube. Prince Philip held!

tinfoil twat

Tinfoil twat: A typical Youtube conspiracy genius pictured last night

 
The Federal Bureau of Investigation last night announced that they have arrested and charged, The Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, with the mass shootings in Las Vegas on October 1, after an agent spotted a link posted by a member of the public on Youtube which pointed the finger at the 90-year-old husband of Her Majesty The Queen.
 
An FBI spokesman said last night: “If only we’d looked on Youtube earlier. I just wish it had been around at the time of The Boston Strangler, we’d have saved an awful lot of time and effort and no mistake.
 
Scotland Yard are now also believed to be looking at Youtube footage and have already established that Bruce Forsythe was Jack The Ripper and that Margaret Thatcher’s nan was the fearsome, Beast of Belsen.
 
If you’re a slow-witted, overly-excitable dullard with a crackpot theory on the solution to any really tricky unsolved crimes during the last century or so, post your thoughts on Youtube so that the rest of us can all have a bloody good laugh and a point at your expense.

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Filed under Humour, police, Satire, Spoof

London Man Caged for ‘WordPress Serial Commentors’ Slayings

 

ugly couple

The tragic coupled pictured in happier times at a WordPress dinner and dance

 

A 19-year-old man from East London was given two consecutive life sentences at The Old Bailey yesterday for the brutal killings of a man and woman, whose only crime appears to have been spending long periods commenting back and forth on the WordPress blogging site.

The convicted man, Clive Dee, from Whitechapel, attacked, Marvin Johnson and Martha Walmart, both 67 and from Islington, North London, on the same day, using a meat cleaver, a slaughterman’s poleaxe, and a Royal Navy belaying pin before shooting them both repeatedly in the face – an act which Dee claimed after his arrest was: ‘just to be on the safe side’

According to Dee’s defence barrister, Toby Carter QC, Dee had become so sick of the pair’s long-winded commenting on each other’s blogs – the exchanges sometimes lasting for months on one post alone – he became unhinged and decided to put a stop to it once and for all.

“It was totally out of character for my client to behave in this way,” Mr Carter told the court. “The truth is, this couple drove Mr Dee to the very edge of reason itself with their banal, fawning platitudes and insincere assessments of each other’s work. This resulted in the tragedy that has been put before this court”

Mr Justice Derek Tracy, presiding, told Dee before passing sentence: “While I realise that the provocation you had to face was severe and that many people may indeed sympathise, and even condone your actions, we can’t have members of the public slaughtering people just for being irritating”

As Dee was taken from the dock, he yelled out to family and friends “I’ve no comment to make about anything and neither have they now, the fuckers!”

This case comes just a month after a Facebooker received a life sentence at Nottingham Crown Court for shooting a 78-year-old man in the back fifteen times for constantly posting pictures of his dinner to his timeline.

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Filed under Satire, Uncategorized