“Don’t even think about it mister!”
In the aftermath of the latest bitter presidential debate, beleaguered Republican nominee, Donald Trump, has claimed victory over his Democratic Party rival, Hillary Clinton, and has told the media that he has conclusively demonstrated his suitability for office by not grabbing her pussy during the live TV debate.
Trump told reporters last night: “I think I have proved beyond all doubt that Donald J Trump is the right man to lead this great nation by not grabbing Hillary’s pussy or making any other type of sexual advance during the debate.
“I didn’t even try to kiss her for Pete’s sake. Although, you can be pretty damn sure she wanted me to. When you’re a star, women almost demand that you come on to them sexually, and you can bet your life Hillary’s just like all the rest. Especially if she’s anything like her old man was when he was in office.”
Mrs Clinton hit back furiously last night: “The sheer arrogance of this man is breathtaking. The last thing on my mind during the debate was being kissed or having my pussy grabbed by Donald, whatever he may think to the contrary. Not even Bill is permitted to do that sort of thing while I’m campaigning and we are both more than happy with that arrangement”
A spokesperson for the TV studio that staged the debate told us: “Initially we were a little apprehensive. We were afraid that Mr Trump might grab Mrs Clinton’s pussy at some point, especially if she started winning the debate.
“In order to try and prevent this, we positioned the two rostrums a good distance apart, so if Mr Trump moved towards Mrs Clinton, and if one of our security staff considered that he was going to grab her pussy, he would have sufficient time to wrestle him to the ground and hold him until the cops arrived.”
The current race for The White House is thought to be the most acrimonious since the Nixon/Kennedy struggle in 1960 when Nixon accused JFK of dropping his pen under the table during a TV debate so that he could look up Nixon’s trouser leg.