Category Archives: Humour

WHELK EXCLUSIVE: Man with funny hat now following every blog on WordPress except this one

The Whitechapel Whelk

funny hat A man with a funny hat pictured earlier

In an exclusive interview with The Whelk, the popular blogging site, WordPress, has revealed that the bloke whose avatar portrays a World War II American serviceman wearing a funny hat is now following every blog on the site apart from The Whitechapel Whelk.

A WordPress PR executive told us last night: “The bloke in the funny hat is now following everyone except you. He seems to share every conceivable interest, from journalism, to horticulture, to 18th-century erotica.

“One of our staff recently had an in-depth look at all the ‘likers’ on every blog in existence and the picture of the man in the funny hat was present on every one.

“It’s quite extraordinary how varied his interests are to be honest. He even ‘liked’ a post advertising a septic tank cleaning service last week.”

We tried to get a response from the bloke…

View original post 83 more words

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

‘Train Rage’ Local man held after attacking passengers on train that overtook his

The Whitechapel Whelk

steam train Absolutely steaming. Mr Dell’s trained pictured arriving at London Bridge yesterday

A 47-year-old Whitechapel man was in police custody last night after he attacked passengers on a train that had overtaken his own on the approach to London Bridge station yesterday.

According to a police spokesman, Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer, became enraged when the 8.30 Oxted to London Bridge train pulled up alongside his own as they were held at a red signal and then pulled away marginally quicker before arriving at Platform 14, seconds before Mr Dell got to Platform 10

Dell then allegedly raced over to Platform 14 and began attacking the passengers as they got off, accusing them of ‘liberty-taking’ and ‘trying to burn him off at the lights’

Two passengers received minor facial injuries and one was pushed to the ground before Dell finally calmed down after a young woman told him to ‘just leave…

View original post 7 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Trump vows to aid UNHCR following refugee crisis appeal

The Whitechapel Whelk

trump whelk bigly and best

US President Donald Trump was quick to respond last night after hearing an appeal from the United Nations High Commission for Refugees yesterday.

The UNHCR had earlier issued an appeal on behalf of the thousands fleeing from the war-torn Democratic Republic of Congo and the President was quick to throw his immediate support behind the UNHCR initiative.

Speaking to newsmen in The White House briefing room, Trump said: “As soon as I heard that these guys were appealing for refugees I wanted to help.

“If there’s a shortage of them and the United States can create any more, then I’m 100% committed to doing whatever I can.

“Maybe we could invade Puerto Rico and create a few refugees that way. They’ve been a real pain in the ass lately anyways.

“I’ll have a word with my guys tomorrow and see what we can do. If the UN guys are prepared to…

View original post 40 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

FBI crack Vegas shooting riddle thanks to Youtube. Prince Philip held!

tinfoil twat

Tinfoil twat: A typical Youtube conspiracy genius pictured last night

 
The Federal Bureau of Investigation last night announced that they have arrested and charged, The Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, with the mass shootings in Las Vegas on October 1, after an agent spotted a link posted by a member of the public on Youtube which pointed the finger at the 90-year-old husband of Her Majesty The Queen.
 
An FBI spokesman said last night: “If only we’d looked on Youtube earlier. I just wish it had been around at the time of The Boston Strangler, we’d have saved an awful lot of time and effort and no mistake.
 
Scotland Yard are now also believed to be looking at Youtube footage and have already established that Bruce Forsythe was Jack The Ripper and that Margaret Thatcher’s nan was the fearsome, Beast of Belsen.
 
If you’re a slow-witted, overly-excitable dullard with a crackpot theory on the solution to any really tricky unsolved crimes during the last century or so, post your thoughts on Youtube so that the rest of us can all have a bloody good laugh and a point at your expense.

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, police, Satire, Spoof

Vegas Massacre: The President Speaks Out

trump a sick man

More as we get it

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, political satire

20th Century Whelk Proudly Present…!

The Whitechapel Whelk

Hitler-Salute-1935Das Pie Und Mash: A heartbreaking motion picture which chronicles the struggles of a simple Austrian house painter as he seeks world domination and a decent plate of East London scoff.

Starring: Danny “The Liebling of Limehouse” SoZ as Adolf Twitler

und

Obergruppenführer Artful Dodger as “Pineapple” Fritz, his faithful aide de camp

Filmed in Jellied Eel Vision on location at The Blind Beggar, Whitechapel Road, London E1

All rights up for reasonable offers

©Whelk Film Workshop

http://www.captiongenerator.com/713452/Der-Pie-Und-Mash-Skit

Not suitable for Under 18s, Over 18s, and people from South London

View original post

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Ask Ted Threesome: The Sexually Insane Whitechapel Gardening Consultant

The Whitechapel Whelk

ted threesome

Dear Ted

The wife and I have planted some geraniums (pelargoniums) in pots. They all have a flower bud, but someone told me to cut out the first bud to get more blooms for the rest of the year. Is this right?

Toby and Tracy Dell
Whitechapel
London W1

*******************

Dear Toby and Tracy

Have you ever done it in the potting shed where people can see you? I bet you have, you saucy bleeders!

It’s the excitement of being discovered, isn’t it? I bet you and Tracy are going at it full pelt right now aren’t you? Let’s webcam!

Do you enjoy being restrained Toby? Does Tracy lash you to the bed with thick gardening twine and then push phallic-shaped root vegetables up your bottom? I bet she does, the filthy little slut! Webcam me!

Do you want me to send you pics of me pleasuring myself on my…

View original post 79 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour