Monthly Archives: October 2019

Local woman drowned tot in a bucket after ‘Benny Hill’ jibe

bennyTragic tot, Toby, pictured in happier times

A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman drowned her 3-year-old son in a bucket after a comment was made on social media likening the youngster to the late comedian, Benny Hill, an Old Bailey jury heard yesterday

Tracy Dell, a single mother from York Street, had entered her son, Toby, in a newspaper’s ‘Beautiful Baby’ competition in July this year.

The following day, a Facebook comment was made by someone on Miss Dell’s friends list, pointing out the likeness between the child and the podgy1970s comic.

Pleading guilty to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility, Miss Dell told the court: “To me, Toby was beautiful in every way, so when I spotted that he’d been likened to Benny Hill, something snapped and I grabbed his ankles and dropped him headfirst into a bucket of water.

“In my mind, I thought I’d be doing him a…

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Petrified remains of 675 motorists discovered in Brompton Road

petrifiedOne of the petrified bodies attempting to pull down his sun visor.

Archaeologists made an incredible discovery yesterday when a team from Swansea University came across the petrified remains of 675 motorists in the notoriously congested, Brompton Road, West London.

The remains are believed to have been there undiscovered since roadworks got underway to repair a burst Roman cistern pipe in 44 AD.

A spokesman for the university told newsmen: “This is potentially an extremely important discovery that could help us to understand how our ancestors spent their time while stuck in heavy traffic in the Brompton Road”

Some of the petrified corpses appeared to be curled up on the back seats of their cars, apparently having a snooze during long periods stuck at temporary traffic lights, while others – believed to be London black cab drivers – were leaning out of their windows making obscene hand gestures at bus…

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GREAT LIVES: THIS WEEK, DANNY SOZ

It’s not often you get inside the mind of a true genius and this interview is no exception

- MIKE STEEDEN -

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GREAT LIVES: This Week, I Interview Danny Soz,
Who Doesn’t Like To Mention His Book

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MIKE: So Danny, tell us a little about yourself

DANNY: I’ve written a book

MIKE: Yes, I meant tell us something about your personal history. The place you were born and grew up in, for example

DANNY: I was born in Pimlico in Westminster, London. That was long before I wrote my book, of course

MIKE: Was it a happy childhood?

DANNY: Not too bad, but it would have been even happier if I’d known back then that one day I’d write a fantastic book

MIKE: What about your career. Have you been a success in life?

DANNY: Not really. I’m a motor mechanic. I had to read a couple of books to pass the exams but none were as great as my book, of course.

MIKE: Are you married, Danny. Tell my readers a…

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You’ve largely ignored the newspaper. Now, you can give the book a wide berth too!

To avoid disappointment, don’t order your copy today, or any other day for that matter. Truly appalling!

whelk frontwhelk backArtful Dodger Publications are proud to give you the opportunity to baulk violently at the mere thought of parting with your hard-earned dough in order to come into possession of this utterly inane anthology of satirical dross.

It contains 140 poorly-written, unfunny skits and fake news items, as well as all the pitifully unamusing characters you’ve come to loathe down the years.

So, if you’re looking for a hilarious collection of cleverly conceived satirical writing to purchase as an early Christmas gift for a friend or loved one, I’d give this horrendous excuse for humour a very wide berth indeed if I were you -Ed.

PS. If you do buy it at the ridiculously low, bargain price of £9.99, then we thank you most sincerely and may your God go with you.

Here’s a linkypoo:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1700490486/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=whitechapel+whelk&qid=1571452502&sr=8-2

PPS. There’s also a Kindle edition in case you’re skint or just a bit…

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