Battersea Power Station to be pushed over onto its side says government

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 It was announced earlier today that Battersea Power Station in South London will be pushed over onto its side due to the government’s increasing frustration that various attempts to convert the now-defunct plant into a going concern have failed.

The latest effort by a Malaysian company has been another huge flop, with only a handful of visitors to the venue after their attempts to turn the site into a cinema and shopping complex failed to attract public support.

A government spokesman said last night: “In view of the repeated failure to make the power station a paying attraction the government have decided to push it over onto its side and just leave it.

“If there’s any lead or copper piping we’ll strip that out and take it to the scrappy for a few quid, other than that, we’re washing our hands of the bloody thing”

In other related news, the refurbishment of Big Ben, which has seen the structure covered in scaffolding for more than a year, has been abandoned after going disastrously over-budget.

A spokesman for The House of Commons Commission, who are in charge of the project, told newsmen: “It was costing a few quid more than we expected so we’re just going to fucking leave it”

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