Monthly Archives: April 2019
Sucking babe: The infant hoover having its first tentative clean-up around a hospital staff member’s desk last night
Doctors at The Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel have announced that a robot designed for sexual purposes has given birth to a baby, Henry The Hoover.
A spokesperson for the maternity unit told newsmen that the robot was admitted yesterday morning suffering from an issue with the circuitry around the abdominal area and gave birth to the 2lb 7oz hoover just an hour later.
Robot and small cleaning device are said to be doing well and will be returning home tomorrow following wiring checks and a routine service.
The robot’s owner, James Dyson, owner of the successful, Dyson hoover manufacturing company, was said to be ‘taken aback’ by the news.
“You f*****g what?” he exclaimed to reporters from his home in Singapore.
It is believed that the pregnancy may have come about…
View original post 30 more words
A 47-year-old Whitechapel man last night told us that a 7-year-old child who was running around a local supermarket with one of the small trolleys made available by the store for youngsters, deserved to die and that he was just the man to get the job done.
Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer spoke to The Whelk from his home in Vallance Road: “This kid was racing up and down the aisles with this miniature trolley like an absolute bastard.
“He narrowly missed colliding with my own trolley on a couple of occasions and almost ran over my foot as I was heading for the checkout.
“It was at this point that I realised that he deserved to die and that I would be more than happy to get the job squared away myself.
“It’s not that often that I feel murderous intent towards kids, but I swear to God…
View original post 113 more words
Melania Trump bombshell: Theresa May caught me with a number of powerful body shots in the Buck House lift.
Trump thumped. Mrs Trump pictured putting a brave face on it last night
United States First Lady, Melania Trump, has told a magazine that, Brit Prime Minister, Theresa May, beat her about the body in a lift at Buckingham Palace during President Trump’s official visit to Great Britain last year.
Speaking to The New Yorker, Mrs Trump says: “Donald and myself were coming down in the lift from our bedroom on the top floor.
“As we reached the 1st floor, the doors opened and Mrs May rushed in looking absolutely furious.
“Before I could cover up with my elbows, she caught me with a thunderous body shot to the ribs, sickening me and causing me to go down on one knee.
“As I got up, she continued to go downstairs and crashed home 5 or 6 big bombs to the lower abdomen and then sent me back down with a…
View original post 163 more words