Monthly Archives: April 2019

WORLD NEWS

trump jokerYou’ve been a wonderful audience. Try the veal. -Ed

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Sex robot gives birth to baby hoover

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Local man realises he has what it takes to slay unruly child pushing junior supermarket trolley

See the source imageA 47-year-old Whitechapel man last night told us that a 7-year-old child who was running around a local supermarket with one of the small trolleys made available by the store for youngsters, deserved to die and that he was just the man to get the job done.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer spoke to The Whelk from his home in Vallance Road: “This kid was racing up and down the aisles with this miniature trolley like an absolute bastard.

“He narrowly missed colliding with my own trolley on a couple of occasions and almost ran over my foot as I was heading for the checkout.

“It was at this point that I realised that he deserved to die and that I would be more than happy to get the job squared away myself.

“It’s not that often that I feel murderous intent towards kids, but I swear to God…

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HEALTH & PHILOSOPHY

cosmarxpolitan©Cosmarxpolitan is a Commie Smart Dude Publication. All rights are the opium of the people.

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Melania Trump bombshell: Theresa May caught me with a number of powerful body shots in the Buck House lift.

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