Monthly Archives: October 2018

Pulp Friction

dick 2If you’ve been affected by any of the issues reflected in this graphic, please contact:

The I’ve Been Affected By A Comic Book Cover Advisory Council (Dick Section)

22 Throbber Street

Whitechapel E1

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Khashoggi killed by one of his own ricocheting kung fu stars say Saudis

khashoggiKhashoggi pictured in typical two-fisted mood last week. Picture courtesy of The Saudi Hand Chopping and Dissident Flogging Bugle

The Saudi Arabian government have made the claim that the missing journalist, Jamel Khashoggi, was killed during a violent melee in the Saudi consulate building in Turkey, after the furious newsman launched a number of kung fu stars at terrified staff, one of which, rebounded off a lampshade and struck him a fatal blow on the temple

A spokesman for the Saudi consulate said last night: “Mr Khashoggi was definitely looking for trouble that night.

“He looked dishevelled and had clearly been drinking heavily

“Without warning, he started acting like a crazy man and began hurling kung fu stars at staff members.

“Unfortunately for him, he was killed instantly by one of his own weapons which bounced back off of a light shade or a wall or something. The details are…

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Whelk Exclusive: Trump Made Up for Bad Sex With Blistering Piano Accordion Solo: Stormy Daniels Speaks Out

trump-fail-004Yeah, the boy can play. Trump pictured with an accordion last night

Ex-porn star turned kiss and tell sensation, Stormy Daniels, has told The Whitechapel Whelk that US President, Donald Trump, gave a sensational rendition of a medley of popular tunes on the piano accordion following their brief sexual encounter in 2006

Speaking exclusively to our showbiz editor, Daniels, 87, said “He was absolutely useless in the sack, to be honest. At one point I had to ask him if he’d started.

“However, he more than made up for it afterwards when he took his piano accordion from the wardrobe and launched into a number of old time favourites.

“His skill and virtuosity were pretty damn sensational to be fair to the man.

“He played a number of tunes, including, The Rose of Traylee, Danny Boy, The Sash My Father Wore, and most memorably of all for me, the theme…

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