Monthly Archives: September 2018

Lifestyle & Health

The Whitechapel Whelk

Sweaty_Cow_Front_CoverNEXT WEEK: 5 Delicious and healthy, sweat-based recipes for the whole family to enjoy

PLUS: Tips on how to top up your garden pond by wringing out your bra and knickers

©Sweaty Cow is an associate member of The Unsavoury Bodily Fluids Publishing Corporation

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CHILDCARE: Advertisement

The Whitechapel Whelk

Mince-O-MiteThe Mince-O-Mite is lovingly machine crafted using only the finest quality, non-bio-degradable plastic by Bangladeshi orphans

Send £21,003 in cash + £570 P&P to: 

The Whitechapel Mint
22 Shit Street
Whitechapel
London E1

No Quibble Guarantee:If your Mince-O-Mite doesn’t arrive within 6 months, write to our customer relations dept and we’ll send round 2 or 3 big geezers with iron bars to sort out your problem once and for all.

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Tech News: New Apple smartwatch will alert you to people in the same room who have a wooden leg

The Whitechapel Whelk

watchBreakthrough: An Apple iWatch 5 pictured last night

The Apple Corporation yesterday unveiled their latest piece of innovative technology in the shape of the Apple iWatch 5, which will not only tell you the time of day with a fair degree of accuracy but will also alert you to the fact that somebody in the same room as yourself has a wooden leg.

Speaking at last night’s Apple Special Event from The Steve Jobs Centre, Apple CEO, Tim Cook, told a thousand-strong audience: “This device will change the way you look at people in the same room forever.

“Now, instead of wondering whether any of them has a wooden leg, this device will emit a series of beeps whenever anybody who is fitted with one comes within 3 metres of the wearer”

Apple hopes that the device will be a boon to wearers who smoke and can’t find anywhere to…

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Social Media Update

The Whitechapel Whelk

facebookWuff oo babes! ((((((HUGZZZZZZ)))))) – Ed

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