Monthly Archives: July 2017

Right-Wing Types in Talks to Make, ‘Charlie Gard: The Musical’

UK Independence Party (UKIP) leader Farage speaks during an interview with Reuters in London

It is understood that a collection of unpleasant, right-wing demagogs are in advanced talks about a making a full-length, all-singing, all-dancing musical about the tragic youngster, Charlie Gard, whose parents lost a battle to have the child flown to America for treatment this week despite cautionary warnings of its futility from the most respected paediatric specialists in the world at London’s iconic, Great Ormond Hospital For Sick Children.

According to widespread rumours, Daily Mail boss, Paul Dacre has joined forces with fellow newspaper mogul, Rupert Murdoch, to produce an extravaganza based on the short and tragic life of Charlie and the constant heroic battle fought by his parents to remain in the media spotlight while refusing to face clinical facts with regards to their doomed child.

At the time of going to press it is understood that the controversial media personality and columnist, Katie Hopkins, has been approached to play the child’s mother, while ex-UKIP leader and close friend of Donald Trump, Nigel Farage has already  begun singing lessons and has accepted the role of the dad.

In other related news, Charlie’s parents are due back in court today pleading for a few more days in the media spotlight, where they hope to be further feted by the right-wing press and greeted with more supportive chanting outside the court building and hospital from people with extremely low IQs.

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My enamelled tin mug is from outer space, claims London man.

mug

A 50-year-old, diesel fitter from Whitechapel in East London has made the claim that a tin mug that he bought from a local store last week is from outer space and is made from a substance unknown to man.

Toby Dell, a divorced father of 8, told  journalists: “There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my new mug comes from somewhere in outer space.

“As soon as I got it home and had a drink of tea out it I knew that this was no ordinary mug and that it must have come from another planet or even a different galaxy.

“I took it to the science museum for analysis, but they refused to do it and told me to go away.

“They obviously realised that it was an extra-terrestrial mug and didn’t want the news getting out in case it got people worrying about an alien invasion in the future”

Mr Dell is the 2nd person to have made rather outlandish claims in recent weeks. On 3rd June, a taxi driver from neighbouring Bow told his boss that Brexit had nothing to do with inherent racism amongst the older generation and that Donald Trump was going to make America great again

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The verb, ‘To Trump’, given alternative meaning by Oxford English Dictionary.

This is good shit right here. I should know. I wrote it.

The Whitechapel Whelk

trump book with whelk reccomendationThe iconic and definitive dictionary of the English language, The Oxford English Dictionary, has made the unprecedented move of giving a verb a dual meaning in their latest 2017 updated edition.

The Verb, ‘To Trump’ which was originally described in the dictionary as the playing of a high-value playing card in a game of Bridge, – has now been giving the alternative meaning of describing an act of utter stupidity or bungling incompetence.

The latest edition, published yesterday, contains the following entry:


VERB
1 – To commit an act of gross stupidity
1.1 – “Auntie Maude really trumped when she entered that lion’s enclosure covered in BBQ sauce”

NOUN
1 – A dullard or nincompoop
1.1 – “You really believe that Brexit is going to be good for Britain’s economy? Are you some kind of fucking Trump or something?!”

ADJ
1 -Describing a particularly poor choice or decision
1.1 –…

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