The trust behind the ill-fated and controversial, Thames Garden Bridge Project, finally admitted that the plan was dead in the water last night and would now be replaced by a rowing boat containing project enthusiast actress Joanna Lumley and a bunch of flowers.
A spokesperson for the Garden Bridge Trust told us last night: “Due to the lack of enthusiasm from big businesses who were loath to invest in a bridge with trees on it, we have decided to abandon the plan and to focus instead on buying a second-hand rowing boat which will cross from Upper Thames Street to London Bridge three times a day during the week and once on Saturdays and Sundays.
“Our great friend, Joanna Lumley, has agreed to row people across, with a rose clenched between her teeth and a pot of chrysanthemums between her legs.
“We are hoping that the fares collected will recoup some of the 60 million quids worth of taxpayer’s money that we have basically spunked up the wall for them”
We spoke to Miss Lumley last night at her home in Islington who told us: “I haven’t rowed a boat since 1965 but I’m prepared to give up the gin and the gaspers and give it a jolly good go sweetie”