The Scottish Assembly will today announce plans to introduce legislation that will give any native Scot, or anyone who has lived and worked in the country for more than three months, the legal right to expose their buttocks in public without fear of prosecution.
The so-called Right to Bare Arse amendment to the constitution will give millions of Scots the freedom to walk around in public with no pants on, provided their nobs and minges are suitably covered.
Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon told a press conference last night: “I believe, and my party believes, that everyone in this country should have the right to expose their arse in public. On a personal note, I can’t wait to take my seat in the Scottish parliament with no shreddies on and nor can many of my colleagues. People with faces that look like arses, like my predecessor, Alec Salmond, may consider this move old hat, but the rest of us can’t wait to crack on with it, so to speak”
Sturgeon remained tight-lipped, however, when asked to discuss a proposal by the Scottish Conservatives to allow Presbyterian women over the age of 60 the right to expose and jiggle their tits during church services on Sundays.