People From The Midlands Largely Unaware That They Sound Like Halfwits Claims Shock Report

 

jasper-carrot

A Midlands man pictured trying to look vaguely intelligent last night

 

A survey conducted amongst people living in and around The Black Country in The Midlands region of Great Britain has surprisingly revealed that 97% of people living in the area don’t realise that their accent is so appallingly drab and lacking in anything approaching acceptability that it makes even the most accomplished and deeply respected university professor sound like a mindless, dribbling cretin.

We spoke to one man from Wolverhampton, who told us: “I completely reject the findings in this report. Our accent is perfectly fine, and no better or worse than anybody else’s in the country. Anyway, I think Professor Stephen Hawking is from The Midlands and he’s considerably more intelligent than yow”

These findings come just a year after a nationwide survey found that most people in Britain think that all Glaswegians sound like violent, drunken psychopaths, and that Cockneys come across as thieving, untrustworthy gangster types who would rob their own grandmothers and who regularly beat their wives after nights spent gambling and whoring in seedy pubs.

Author’s Note: This skit will be appearing in two well-known satirical magazines later on today. Unless their sub-editors are from Solihull

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2 Comments

Filed under Satire

2 responses to “People From The Midlands Largely Unaware That They Sound Like Halfwits Claims Shock Report

  1. I am delighted to learn that I can not only enjoy this piece of satirical genius here, but also in two other places. I shall be hunting for these places all day and not get anything remotely productive done at all. It is this sort of thing that makes Britain great. I salute you!

    Liked by 1 person

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