I’m an extremely famous Hollywood movie star who has recently been through a very public split with my wife, who is also a movie icon as well as a committed civil rights campaigner.
The thing is, since our break up I’ve been feeling pretty frustrated sexually, as my wife – although a total pain in the ass in many ways – is an extremely attractive woman and our sex life was varied, exciting, and fulfilling.
My problem is, every time I try to pleasure myself, I spot one of the paparazzi hiding in some bushes or in a parked car opposite. They even send drones over my property so I can’t even have a hand shandy in my shed like other dudes.
Please help me if you can Spunky as I’m getting pretty tense and my plums have swollen up like soccer balls
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