Spunky Woods: Whitechapel’s Masturbation Guru to the Stars

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Dear Spunky

I’m an extremely famous Hollywood movie star who has recently been through a very public split with my wife, who is also a movie icon as well as a committed civil rights campaigner.

The thing is, since our break up I’ve been feeling pretty frustrated sexually, as my wife – although a total pain in the ass in many ways – is an extremely attractive woman and our sex life was varied, exciting, and fulfilling.

My problem is, every time I try to pleasure myself, I spot one of the paparazzi hiding in some bushes or in a parked car opposite. They even send drones over my property so I can’t even have a hand shandy in my shed like other dudes.

Please help me if you can Spunky as I’m getting pretty tense and my plums have swollen up like soccer balls

Kind Regards

Sumptuous Spread

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