‘Empty’ Train Carriage Was Ram-Packed With Midgets and Germans With Diarrhoea Claim Corbyn’s Press Office

 

corbyn straight talking

 
The press office for beleaguered Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, have issued a statement, claiming that the empty train carriage that Corbyn is shown passing through on CCTV before claiming that the entire train was ‘ram-packed’ was, in fact, full of midgets whose heads couldn’t be seen above the headrests, and a party of over 40 Germans who had left their luggage on their seats while they were all in the toilet suffering from gastroenteritis.

The statement said: “Jeremy, his wife and his publicists did, in fact, pass through that particular carriage, but it was full of midgets and German luggage, left there while the owners were having a clearout. I suppose it’s a bit like when they put towels on sunloungers to reserve them. So, basically, that’s why Jeremy had to sit on the floor to do his piece to camera. Yes, that’ll be it.”

Virgin Trains, however, strongly denied the claim. “The midgets were all in a first class carriage at the front of the train, and the Germans were in the caboose at the rear where their constant farting wouldn’t upset their fellow travellers”

Corbyn himself was unavailable for comment due to his earlier arrest for attacking his lesbian spin doctor with a screwdriver.

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