Transport for London were under fire from the app-based private hire company, Uber, last night after they ruled that all mini cab drivers will have to undergo strict testing to make sure that they meet new guidelines designed to ensure that all private hire drivers can get hopelessly lost and also crash into other vehicles or inanimate roadside objects in English.
A spokesperson for Uber told us last night: “We see this measure as totally over the top and unnecessary. If TFL insists on this punitive directive, thousands of our drivers will be out of work overnight. It’s absolutely crazy. They’ll be asking our drivers to take a written grammar test before sexually assaulting lone female passengers next”
The move has been welcomed by The Licensed Taxi Drivers Association however. They told us: “Black cabs don’t get lost, nor do we park in the middle of busy roads, crash into traffic lights or molest female passengers. However, if necessary our drivers could definitely fulfill all these criteria in The Queen’s English”
We asked an Uber driver for his reaction yesterday, but he couldn’t understand a word we were saying and hurriedly drove into the back of Honda Civic.