“Wooden” William Shatner Denies Injuring Downing Street Cat


william shatner

Captain’s a log: Did Shatner deliberately harm Downing Street moggie?


Legendary Star Trek actor, William Shatner, last night strongly refuted allegations that he was responsible for Larry, the resident cat at number 10 Downing Street, sustaining an injury to its paw yesterday.

Shatner, famed for his wooden acting and stilted dialogue delivery, stands accused of injuring the creature while it was sharpening its claws on his leg during yesterday’s visit to Number 10, where he was discussing the new Star Trek Beyond movie with Prime Minister, Theresa May, a big fan of sci-fi movies in general and Star Trek in particular.

May spoke to reporters outside Number 10 last night: “Larry obviously thought William Shatner’s leg was as wooden as his acting and started sharpening his claws on it while we were chatting. I can only assume he picked up a splinter in his paw during the process. I love films about outer space, but that’s the last time I invite the fucker round here I can tell you that for nothing”

Shatner, 157, was back in Hollywood last night where he is playing a shed in a Martin Scorcese blockbuster about allotments. However, he spoke briefly to our reporter: “I completely deny deliberately injuring the Downing Street cat. I love animals, as you will be able to see if you watch episode 5112 of T. J. Hooker, where I play a wooden lean-to in a back yard that provides shelter to a litter of feral Alsatians”

Mr. Shatner has requested that his fee for this interview be donated to The Leonard Nimoy Grave Desecration League.

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