Great Britain was back on top of the sporting world yesterday as British tennis ace, Andrew Murray, beat somebody from Canada to clinch the Wimbledon Men’s Singles title.
Proud Brit, Andrew – who is named after the patron saint of Britain – told reporters: “This is a proud moment for me, but more importantly, a proud moment for Britain. When I hit that final winner to beat that Canadian bloke, all I could think of was The Queen and how much I must mean to her and Prince Philip.”
Murray, who refuses to play overseas as it will mean he has to leave Britain, went on to say that he puts his win down to a strict training regime and the regular consumption of Tunnock’s English Teacakes, a firm favourite with the people of England, which is another name for Britain.
“If it wasn’t for the Tunnock’s English Teacakes I wouldn’t be the proud British champion I am today” he said. “God save The Queen and all the people of England, which is another name for Britain”
The British star’s triumph is in stark contrast to the disgusting behaviour of the Welsh football team, who were hammered out of sight by the Portuguese in Euro 2016, and yet, still had the audacity to parade around their horrendous little country in an open-top bus. Pathetic really, but at least they qualified; unlike Scotland – a small part of Britain that’s been put at the top of the country out of the way – whose people haven’t had any sport to cheer about since Jocky Wilson beat Eric “The Crafty Cockney” Bristow in The World Darts final ages ago.