EDITOR’S NOTE: Soz Satire would like to point out that having lots of followers indicates beyond doubt that your work is of an extremely high standard and has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that you’re a silly cunt with too much time on your hands.
Scottish television presenter, Lorraine Kelly, last week discovered the dead body of a man, who is now being hailed as a literary genius, on the blogging website, WordPress.
Kelly, 86, found the man’s lifeless corpse late on Tuesday night, hidden beneath sheets of copy written by fellow bloggers; including a pile of poorly written haiku poetry and an abysmal attempt at political satire, after logging onto the site to carry out some research.
She told reporters : “I was looking for a wee piece on Scottish country dancing for my morning show when I found this poor wee thing lying dead under some bits of paper. I dialed 999 but he was already beyond help”
Police and literary critics examined the scene after the body was removed and found over fifty thousand words of beautifully written prose scattered on the floor.
Toby Dell, The Sunday Times Literary Critic declared the work to be “Amongst the finest I have ever seen and reminiscent of Steinbeck at his brilliant best”
Tragically, due to the dead man’s reclusive nature, not one word of his output has ever been read by his fellow bloggers, who number in their tens of thousands.
Dell explained: “One can only assume that his anonymity is due to his refusal to join in the ridiculous liking and commenting charade that pervades WordPress. His reticence to act the duplicitous giddy arseole has cost him dear I’m afraid”
WordPress issued a statement last night: “While we are sorry to hear of the death of one of our account holders, we cannot accept responsibility for the fact that his work has never been read. If this gentleman wasn’t prepared to toe the line and work his way down his ‘reader’, clicking the like button on people’s dismal copy without even bothering to read the title in a tragic bid to get more followers then that’s his lookout.