Survivors of the 1975 plane crash in The Andes which resulted in a number of acts of cannibalism have been told by scientists that they may go prematurely bald as a result of having consumed human flesh.
A leading hair expert warned: “In my opinion if any of the survivors are now suffering from premature hair loss they only have themselves to blame. To test my theory, I gave my wife a plate of grilled human noses last week and she’s already complaining that her hair is coming out in tufts when she brushes it.”
One of the survivors – who asked not to be named – refuted the claim last night: “I’ve got a wonderful head of hair despite being involved in that plane crash so it’s all nonsense in my view”
When pressed further he admitted that he was a committed vegan and had only actually eaten bits of the engine and a packet of cheese and onion crisps that he’d found in the pocket of one of the dead.
This latest dietary finding comes just weeks after nutritionists discovered that men who moisturise are far more likely to have extremely small penises.