Whitechapel Man Caged After Two-In-A Bed Romp With Tin-Opener

Dirty sod!

The Whitechapel Whelk

tin opener “Hello boys” The tin-opener concerned poses provocatively for snappers outside court yesterday afternoon.

A 40-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London was jailed at Aldgate Assizes earlier today after his wife reported him to the police for engaging in a seedy romp with a tin-opener.

Mrs Tracy Dell, also 40, told the court: “I could hear noises coming from the bedroom and went in. My husband was sitting up in bed, red-faced and sweating quite heavily. His breathing was laboured and I realised at once that he had been having sex with the tin-opener. I yanked back the sheet and spotted it straight away. He had it in his hand and seemed to be fondling the handle. I immediately locked him inside the room and called the police.

Mr Toby Dell, a fishmonger, told arresting officers that he was struggling to open a bottle of beer when his wife had…

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