Dear Uncle Jez
I’m a Syrian freedom fighter battling the Daesh hoardes in the north of our country. Although we have made some inroads with the help of western air strikes and have driven our foes from one or two small towns, the terrorists still have control of large areas and are subjecting our people to the most barbaric treatment. Beheadings, rape, the summary execution of homosexuals and child abduction is commonplace.
If Labour win the next election, can I and my comrades-in-arms rely on your government for continued support in our struggle to save this country from extremism and from the impending terrible threat of coming under the yolk of sharia law?
I’m afraid not as I don’t believe in armed conflict under any circumstances. However, if we do manage to get in at the next election, I will make the pledge…
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