London Man Caged for ‘WordPress Serial Commentors’ Slayings

 

ugly couple

The tragic coupled pictured in happier times at a WordPress dinner and dance

 

A 19-year-old man from East London was given two consecutive life sentences at The Old Bailey yesterday for the brutal killings of a man and woman, whose only crime appears to have been spending long periods commenting back and forth on the WordPress blogging site.

The convicted man, Clive Dee, from Whitechapel, attacked, Marvin Johnson and Martha Walmart, both 67 and from Islington, North London, on the same day, using a meat cleaver, a slaughterman’s poleaxe, and a Royal Navy belaying pin before shooting them both repeatedly in the face – an act which Dee claimed after his arrest was: ‘just to be on the safe side’

According to Dee’s defence barrister, Toby Carter QC, Dee had become so sick of the pair’s long-winded commenting on each other’s blogs – the exchanges sometimes lasting for months on one post alone – he became unhinged and decided to put a stop to it once and for all.

“It was totally out of character for my client to behave in this way,” Mr Carter told the court. “The truth is, this couple drove Mr Dee to the very edge of reason itself with their banal, fawning platitudes and insincere assessments of each other’s work. This resulted in the tragedy that has been put before this court”

Mr Justice Derek Tracy, presiding, told Dee before passing sentence: “While I realise that the provocation you had to face was severe and that many people may indeed sympathise, and even condone your actions, we can’t have members of the public slaughtering people just for being irritating”

As Dee was taken from the dock, he yelled out to family and friends “I’ve no comment to make about anything and neither have they now, the fuckers!”

This case comes just a month after a Facebooker received a life sentence at Nottingham Crown Court for shooting a 78-year-old man in the back fifteen times for constantly posting pictures of his dinner to his timeline.

2 Comments

Filed under Satire, Uncategorized

2 responses to “London Man Caged for ‘WordPress Serial Commentors’ Slayings

  1. Life imprisonment? The man deserves a statue and a generous pension from a grateful nation. The world’s gone mad, I tell you #justiceforClivey

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