“I’ll Crush Daesh Using My Great Big Face”: Olly Murs’ Defiant Vow

Cometh the hour, cometh the big-faced fuck!

The League of Mental Men!

OllyBritish pop icon, Olly Murs, has issued a defiant threat to the so-called, Islamic State, or Daesh, vowing to use his enormous face to obliterate them in their Syrian stronghold of Racca within the next few days.

The plan, which has been approved by an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council, is for Murs to run as fast as he can towards the beleaguered city until he reaches the outskirts. He will then be tripped up by an American general, causing him to fall face down – crushing the Daesh army beneath his massive face.

Murs, 12, spoke to reporters last night before being airlifted to the Syrian desert by two British Army Chinook helicopters:

“I’ve used my great big face for a number of humanitarian purposes in the past, including, the stabilising of The Leaning Tower of Pisa, and to provide housing for Britain’s homeless, but this…

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