“Would you care for dessert Mr Blatter? It’s your favourite, Lard Crumble In Sump Oil Sauce”
News emerged last night that FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, has spent the last 3 months locked in his office, where he spends the entire day gorging himself on crisps and fizzy drinks; pausing only for trips to the bathroom when a close aide moves him from his desk with a fork lift truck and deposits his huge bulk on a specially reinforced toilet in the corner of the room. His food intake is now so vast it is believed the beleaguered Swiss tips the scales at a gut-busting 60 stone and often takes over two hours to evacuate his bowel, especially if he gets one wedged in the bomb bay.
Critics believe that Blatter, who stubbornly refuses to admit having been involved in the corruption scandal that has blighted FIFA since the beginning of…
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