No dogs on bits of string were harmed during the writing of this piece…hopefully.
A number of hopefuls pictured last night waiting nervously for interview
A park bench in Shoreditch, East London, has an exciting opening for an experienced gentleman of the road with at least 5 years experience of drunkenness and anti-social behaviour under his string belt
The purple-faced stumblebum we seek should be able to display good muttering skills and be prepared to spend a good percentage of his/her time shouting at traffic or lying comatose in their own piss.
A good working knowledge of staggering through shopping malls with a dog on a bit of string will also be looked on favourably, as will the ability to start fights with yourself in a public library or a telephone box.
The successful applicant will be expected to supply their own ill fitting fetid trousers and battered, sick encrusted trilby, but a pair of old boots with no laces in will be provided and may be collected from one of the dustbins round…
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