Dear Mr Sparko
I’m a 20 year old female who enjoys posting on the WordPress blogging website. My interests are pottery, embroidery and all sorts of arts and crafts. At first, everything was fine and I enjoyed sharing my ideas with like-minded people, who would often be kind enough to ‘like’ and comment on my blog. However over the last few months I’ve been harassed by a man who keeps making inappropriate suggestions. I’ve told him that I’m engaged to my long-term boyfriend and not interested in his advances, but he won’t take no for an answer and continues with his unwanted attentions. Please help if you can Danny as it’s making me ill. I’ve become reclusive and my family and friends keep asking me if everything’s alright.
I traced this sleazy arseole through the IP address you provided and went round his house last night. As soon as he opened the door I’ve straightened him with a right-hander. He went down like a sack of spuds so I’ve given him a few toe-enders around the kidneys to sharpen him up a bit. Then I’ve dragged him to his feet and stuck the nut on him, breaking his nose. At this point his old woman came out, shouting the odds and telling me to leave it out, but I told her to shut it and that it was between me and him. To be honest, the geezer was in absolute shit state by now and looked as if he’d had enough, so I stamped on his face a few times with me steel-toe-capped Martens, giving his dial the old 5 millimetre tread. On the way back down his drive, I sliced through one of his car’s brake pipes in case he tried to drive himself to hospital. Anyway Jade, I don’t think you’ll be hearing from this mug anytime soon.
All the very best for the future
Disclaimer: Danny Sparko is a fictitious character and, in no way, shape or form, reflects the opinion of the author on how these sparkling heroes should be dealt with, nor indeed, the type of swift and effective home-grown justice that would be meted out if the aforementioned were given half a chance. This disclaimer was brought to you courtesy of The Yeah Right! Board Of Control.