London Gems Heist: Police To Question Youthful Satirist After Discarded Jokes Found At Scene

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Dee, 19, pictured outside his East End council flat two days after the robbery

Officers from Scotland Yard’s Flying Squad have revealed that they wish to question a young satirical magazine editor following the discovery of a number of scraps of paper, containing ideas for humorous skits, scattered amongst debris left behind by the robbers of the Hatton Garden Safe Deposit Company last week.

The robbery, carried out over the Easter weekend, is now believed to be the most lucrative heist in British history, netting the gang an estimated 200 million pounds in jewelry and other valuables.

A metropolitan police insider has revealed that police wish to question Clivey Dee aka Danny Soz, the 19-year-old editor of the largely unheard-of, Soz Satire magazine, who already has a number of convictions for armed robbery, fraud and safe breaking, despite his tender years.

We tried to contact Dee at his ramshackle office in Whitechapel East London last night but were told by his PA and former cellmate, Gary Hoadley, 87, that he was out of the country and wouldn’t be returning until “the scream’s off a bit”

We eventually tracked the youthful, convicted felon and creator of Archie Pampers: Adult Baby, Ted Threesome: Sexually Insane Gardening Consultant and Menopausal Meg: Hormonal Agony Aunt From Hades, to a luxury villa on the paradise island of St Kitts, from where he strenuously denied any involvement in the heist.

“You must be joking!” he said. “Why on earth would a 19-year-old, satirist like me with his whole life ahead of him pull a stroke like that? You do realise I’ve just picked up two more followers on WordPress don’t you? And that was without me having to tell a pack of lies about admiring the wonderful quality of their work too! There’s just no way I’d jeopardise success like that for a few million smackers. I actually had somebody from America giving me a ‘like’ just seconds after publishing a skit the other day! Money can’t buy a result like that lads”

Dee then cut short the interview, explaining that it was time for his champagne jacuzzi and that he didn’t want to keep his bevy of topless, dusky hand-maidens waiting.

The East London Gazette

Graphic by the fabulously wealthy, and recently retired, Artful Dodger.

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