Vote Conservative or I’ll tek the fuckin’ lot of yersh!
More than one hundred homeless vagrants have written to Prime Minister, David Cameron, thanking him for his government’s efforts to get them where they are today.
Thanks to a leak at The Conservative Party Central Office, we are able to publish some of the glowing testimonials sent by some of the biggest stumblebums in the country:
“I used to have to get up at 6.00am every morning to work in a steel mill. Now, thanks to this government I was made redundant and spend my days under a railway arch in Sheffield lying in my own piss. Bravo Mr C!” – Bob Tracy, Sheffield
“I was a plumber boasting a pretty healthy business, and now, thanks to Mr Cameron and the coalition, I’m a drink-addled wreck whose only form of entertainment is riding round and round on the London Underground’s Circle Line, begging for tea money and having fights with myself in the public library. I can’t thank them enough to be honest with you” – Terry Carter. London
“Until this last government came into power I was a wage slave, earning fairly good money as an assembly line worker in a thriving car plant. Now thanks to their common sense policies I’ve lost my home, my wife and my job and am enjoying a wonderful new life as a homeless wino, spending my time jumping out of bushes and shouting at children with a beard full of sick. Thanks coalition!” – Del Stevens. Bagshot
“I can’t heap enough praise on Mr Cameron and his coalition partners. Without their economic brilliance I’d still be earning a comfortable living as a car mechanic, instead of roaming the streets with a pram containing all my possessions and sitting round a burning sofa eating shoe polish with my friends” – Shay Jade. Belfast
“I’ve been to the toilet in my trousers four times today, and it’s all down to Mr Cameron’s inspired leadership and the bold economic measures implemented by his government. Thanks lads!” – Gary Hoadley. Fulham.
This latest endorsement will hearten the Tory faithful even further following yesterday’s pledge of support to the party from a number of Britain’s captains of industry along withMayor Boris Johnson’s highly successful campaign walk through London yesterday where he was given a free cup of tea in a pie and mash shop in Bow and a mango from a clearly bewildered Pakistani fruit and veg stall holder in Roman Road market.