Smudge by Mina.
Ex-TV travel show stalwart, Judith Chalmers, has now been employed by a Portuguese local authority and is working as a windbreak for holidaymakers on the Algarvian coast, claims a report in Portugal’s Noticias De Manha newspaper.
The 108-year-old former presenter of Wish You Were Here, spends her days standing on the promenade at the Pedras Del Rei resort, where she can be hired by sun worshippers for 2 Euros an hour, or 10, for the entire day.
As part of her duties, Chalmers lays down alongside parties of sunbathers, positioning her enormous body in such a way that the strong westerly winds that prevail on the southern coast are deflected from people sheltering behind her, keeping themselves and their picnics, free from sand particles and spume from the ocean.
Chalmers, whose perma-tanned skin has the density and texture of rhino hide, is also used by smokers who strike matches against her weatherbeaten arse to light their cigars or pipes.
Ms Chalmers declined to answer questions put to her by reporters yesterday, but did offer to shield a number of them from a sudden summer deluge behind one of her thighs for 8 Euros.
This latest revelation comes just 2 weeks after the burly, London FM radio hostess, Vanessa Feltz, was dragged out into the ocean on a pontoon at Brighton, Sussex, where she is being used as a temporary replacement for the fire-damaged South Pier.