A number of Indians pictured writhing in agony as mystery plague strikes
Reports are coming in that the sub-continent of India has been hit by an unidentified virus, resulting in the entire population being unable to go to work. The economy ground to a halt as workers began calling into their places of employment en-masse, describing various debilitating symptoms, ranging from diarrhoea and sickness to spots on the tongue and even crippling back pain.
In a bizarre coincidence, the phenomenon coincided with India’s appearance in the cricket world cup semi-final against Australia at The Melbourne Cricket Ground today, a day which would normally be filled with great excitement and expectation among the cricket-mad population. Instead of which the streets of all the major cities are deserted, businesses have closed for the day, with only the eerie groaning of stricken victims to be heard emanating from their homes – unaccountably coinciding with an Australian boundary, or the fall of an Indian wicket.
A spokesman for the Indian Department Of Trade spoke to us from his home during the tea interval:
“It’s a real strange one isn’t it? I myself have been feeling extremely unwell you know. It started shortly before the Indian boys arrived at the MCG oddly enough. Let’s hope it’s just one of these 24 hour bugs. On the bright side, at least sexual assaults on public transport will be down for a while”
There were no similar problems in the country of India’s rivals, Australia, from where a government spokesman told us:
“Plague you say mate? Strewth, that’s a real bummer. Luckily it’s business as usual Down Under mate. Nobody’s lifting a bloody finger”