“Blessed love me yoot!” A satisfied customer pictured with our de-luxe “Big Bambu” model.
After 2 days of dedicated research, we at The Soz Satire Laboratory have developed a safe and spiritually uplifting, electronic substitute for the conventional marijuana cigarette, or spliff.
The Rasta Blaster contains no harmful tobacco or mind-altering THC, the active ingredient in conventional cannabis. What’s more we can absolutely guarantee you will experience no discernible effect whatsoever, no matter how many of our specially formulated joints you “smoke”. So no more feeling ‘spaced-out’ and wondering why everybody’s looking at you in such a malevolent manner or suffering from annoying loss of long and short-term memory. We have also eradicated the hysterical laughing side effect, along with the compulsion to eat your own weight in Ritz Crackers and Jammy Dodgers.
The Rasta Blaster can be used any time, anywhere, whether it be in the workplace, at home, in public houses and even places of worship, safe in the knowledge that you’re not going to begin tapping your foot maniacally or wishing you were watching a Disney cartoon wrapped in a duvet.
Retailing at just £25 or $56,000 if you live in the United States, we guarantee you’ll be absolutely delighted with your purchase, which comes with our unbeatable money back guarantee, if you return your Rasta Blaster without having opened the box within 5 minutes of delivery.
Here’s a testimonial from one of our thousands of satisfied customers:
“Lawd Jesus me yoot! Rankin’ Papa Clivey ‘im say, dis is totally boss sah! Last night in me yard, I and I smoke 15 Rasta Blasters dem and me nah feel a damn ting! When I tell me pussyclaat bredrin ’bout dis, me is totally convinced dey will all want to try it to raas. A true you know? No trouble wid de Babylon neither! Sweet brudder!…Selassie Hail man!…Roots!
Written by Clivey Dee
‘Rastafying’ of Clivey by The Artful Dodger.