Blair Will Be Men’s Room Attendant At Mugabe’s Birthday Bash Says Aide


“Hot towel sir?…Wash and brush-up?”

In what is being seen by many as a surprising move, ex-British prime minister, Tony Blair, has agreed to take on the role of lavatory attendant at the 91st birthday party of Zimbabwean leader, Robert Mugabi, this Saturday evening.

The lavish celebration, which is being held at a swish golf club close to Victoria Falls, has already attracted criticism over the planned slaughter of a number of endangered species to feed the guests, including, five impala, two elephants and a lion. London mayor, Boris Johnson, is just one of many detractors who have slammed the nature of the festivities, calling it:  “an event of extreme moral ugliness, reminiscent of the worst excesses of the emperor Commodius”

According to one of Mr Blair’s closest aides, the former prime minister will be in charge of the gent’s toilet in the main banqueting hall and will be expected to issue hand towels to guests and offer to spray them with expensive eau de cologne, as well as cleaning the cubicles and mopping the tiled surround to the urinal.

We managed to get a brief comment from Blair as he left his Islington home last night:

“Yes it’s true that I’ve accepted the role of men’s room attendant at Mr Mugabe’s function this coming weekend and I have to say I’m quite looking forward to it. I know we’ve had our differences in the past and that he’s routinely overseen the ruination and murder of numerous ex- British citizens but you shouldn’t dwell on these things too much in my view. Let bygones be bygones I say. Admittedly, the money’s not as good as I’ve become accustomed to of late but every little helps doesn’t it”

Press Association



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