“Running scared?” Prime Minister, David Cameron, pictured last night. Smudge by “Inchcock”
A notorious sadist with convictions for robbery with violence, making threats to kill and assault with a deadly weapon, has registered a shock lead in the latest opinion poll ahead of the forthcoming May general election.
Clivey Dee, aka Danny Soz, an 18 year old satirical magazine editor from East London, is leader of the Lots Of Lashing (LOL) Party whose political doctrine is based largely on beating people who disagree with their policy of beating people who don’t agree with them.
Speaking from a fully-equipped dungeon beneath the magazine’s office in Whitechapel, East London, Dee told us:
“It’s been a long-held belief of mine that what this country needs is a good, old-fashioned dose of brutality, and these latest poll figures would indicate that I’m not alone in this. In my opinion the sooner we start flogging our detractors to within an inch of their lives the better. My party will set up whipping posts in every town and city throughout Britain so that common criminals, blacks, gays, Eastern Europeans, Americans and other undesirables, can be meted out the summary justice they so richly deserve.
We will also reintroduce the death penalty for the more serious offenders, such as trades unionists, atheists, cross-dressers and Australians. I’m absolutely convinced that only by inflicting acts of extreme violence on certain sections of the community can Britain’s balance of payments be brought under control and peace and tranquility restored to this great nation of ours”
The LOL Party’s closest ideological rival, The United Kingdom Independence Party, issued a defiant statement last night. UKIP leader, Nigel Farage told reporters:
“Soz and his LOL Party cronies are clearly trying to hitch a ride on our coat tails to garner popularity. There can only ever be one party dedicated to persecuting minorities and that’s us. All this talk of flogging the blacks and the incarcerating of political foes is common thuggery to be brutally honest with you, and the first thing I intend to do after winning the election is to have this working class oik and his henchmen beaten bloody with rhino whips and tossed into jail”
The Prime Minister, David Cameron also issued a brief statement from outside 10 Downing Street last night:
“All this talk of beating people is errant nonsense in my view. After all, if people wanted to be subjected to cruel and excessive punishment they’d listen to Justin Bieber records or sit in front of the television watching Homes Under The Hammer”