Monthly Archives: December 2014
A picture from the skit that made me ashamed to be British pictured last night
As the editor of a highly- ignored satirical magazine, there’s not much that makes me ashamed to be British. However, when I read this skit earlier, I felt like tearing up my passport and applying for Australian citizenship. I don’t mind admitting that I blubbed shamelessly from start to finish, in a mixture of impotent rage and a deep soul-obliterating shame. My anguish was compounded even further because I had written it not 10 minutes previously.
Can I ask you most humbly to read this from a compassionate and caring angle and not from the standpoint of some despicable foreign fuck.Thank you.
PS. Could I also ask you to leave a small comment after you’ve read the piece. Only I’ve been feeling pretty low these last weeks and it’s only been the comments that you good folk have made on my work that have kept me from doing something rash. Only last night I was teetering precariously on the platform at London Bridge station, preparing to throw myself under the 22.50 to East Croydon, when my phone “dinged” and informed me of a particularly irritating and time-consuming, platitude from some annoying sap in Idaho or similar. I immediately felt a joyous surge of new-found joi -de-vivre course through my veins and went straight down the pub. I’m therefore thanking you in anticipation my friends, and I give you my solemn assurance that each comment will be read repeatedly until the dark, smothering blanket of despair leaves me and I go down the pub again.
A masturbatory device trying to look all innocent despite coming under heavy fire last night
The wildly unsuccessful satirical magazine, Soz Satire, was slammed by church leaders last night following an article featuring a masturbatory device designed for use by the recently bereaved to ‘cheer them up’
The editor of the magazine, Clivey Dee, 11, defended his decision to publish the piece in a brief statement to reporters outside the magazine office in Whitechapel East London. “I’m defending my decision to publish the piece and if you don’t like gags about wanking then I strongly advise you against visiting:
A church leader however strongly countered Dee’s argument “It’s bad enough being bereaved without having cockney arseoles like him ripping the piss out of you”
I can’t understand why this chap keeps denigrating WordPress week in week out. I mean to say, it’s great and we’re all just one, great big, happy, romping, liking and commenting family fer chrissakes! What a complete fucking fucker he must be not to be able to see this! 😦
An out-of-date cover of Soz Satire pictured smirking last night
In a move that will send seismic shockwaves through the blogging world, it is being reported that the entire team of contributors to the popular, humour-based blog, The League Of Mentalmen, have quit to join the successful satirical magazine, Soz Satire, because they “like the music on the stories” and because “it’s got much funnier jokes in it”
LOMM editor-in-chief, Clivey Dee, 12, told reporters “I knew something wasn’t quite right on Monday morning when Inchy hadn’t submitted his customary 27 pieces for editing. Gaz didn’t make a post at all on Tuesday, which I dismissed at the time as a result of him being in jail again, but the real clincher was when Mike completely blew me out on Wednesday and posted a 10,000 plus word poem in his own blog instead. It even had a nude woman in…
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“I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Just don’t make me read today’s Freshly Pressed section again!!!”
WARNING: This skit may contain traces of appalling syntax and unashamed arse-licking.
This came as a hammer blow to me I don’t mind admitting. To think I may have been the cause of this poor soul’s death is something that will haunt me until opening time 😦
Terrible business this my friends 😦
WARNING! This skit may contain traces of decomposing corpses and silly fuckers