“I’ll Use My Big Face To Eclipse The Sun If Scots Vote yes” Olly Murs

olly

“I gotta big face!”

English pop star and fierce pro- United Kingdom supporter, Olly Murs, has vowed to deprive the Scots of the sun’s life-giving rays by standing on top of Hadrian’s Wall, where he will use his huge face to bring about a total eclipse that will plunge the entire country into eternal winter.

Speaking at a “Better Together” rally in Aberdeen last night, the Dance With Me Tonight singer, told cheering pro-Great Britain supporters. “I’m a Londoner first and foremost but I quite like Britain too, so if the Scottish people vote to break up the United Kingdom on Thursday I wont hesitate to blot out the sun with my massive dial, causing eternal night to descend on the country. Yes I realise this will cause all who choose to live in my shadow to perish, but it’s a price I’m more than happy to pay to preserve our beloved union”

“Scottish Nationalist Party leader, Alex Salmond, seemed undaunted by the threat when he spoke to reporters last night. “Let Olly do his worst. I doubt very much if anyone will notice anyway. The last time the sun came out here was in June 1993 when a rogue area of high pressure claimed over 3000 Scottish lives through skin cancer”

This latest threat from a celebrity comes just days after broadcaster and journalist, Vannessa Feltz, told listeners on her BBC London phone-in show that if the Scots vote to quit Great Britain she was going to sit on Arbroath and flatten the entire population with her gigantic arse.

Press Association

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2 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, political satire, Showbiz

2 responses to ““I’ll Use My Big Face To Eclipse The Sun If Scots Vote yes” Olly Murs

  1. Pierre Lagacé

    I hope that people in Scotland won’t be scare and vote according to their own convictions.

    As a footnote…

    What will happen to Scotland Yard is Scotland becomes independant?
    Will they ban Sean Connery’s movies in England?

    Better think twice.

    Like

    • sozsatire

      If any nation should be unafraid to rely on convictions it’s the Scots. After all they’ve got enough of them! 🙂
      Scotland yard will be turned into a pool room and a four ale bar…so no change there then.

      Liked by 1 person

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